change

isn't it an interesting concept? sometimes change is just what one needs in a time of stagnation. however, change can also happen too quickly, too unexpectedly, and ultimately be unwanted. it seems like i am usually the kind of person who resists change, though sometimes a haircut or rearranging a room is just what i need to feel satisfied in my life.

there have been some very positive changes lately, namely that i am two weeks into the first block of summer semester and i am actually on-top of things! can you believe it? i am actually enjoying everything i am learning -- and i am learning to learn, not just to get a grade and check the box on my way toward graduation. this is especially amazing since one of my classes is about grammar and rhetoric. isn't this a great change? i am feeling quite good about it.

but there are some negative changes coming up that cannot be avoided. it is obvious that a haircut is a different kind of change than that of someone important in your life leaving. this kind of change brings pain and sadness, making it easy to see why this change is somewhat unwanted.

who am i kidding? take the 'somewhat' out of that sentence. there are changes in my life that i am not happy about at all. not one bit! some say that change is the essence of life, that it is through change that we find our strength and learn to adapt. i do believe that is true, it just seems a little trite at the moment. kind of like it is what people say to someone mourning a loss because they cannot think of anything better to say.

i guess it boils down to the simple truth that adversity is a guaranteed part of life, just like death and taxes. it is not until later - sometimes much later - that we gain inspired insight, this bringing pattern and color to the canvas on which we saw only random marks.

i know there is meaning in our experiences. i am experiencing pain in my heart because another person i have grown to know and love must leave. i sometimes wish people were replaceable so it would not be so hard to say goodbye. but that is not how God intends it to be. each soul that passes through our lives has a purpose and a presence unique in its relationship to our souls. like the saying goes:

well, maybe i should make this my mantra: with change, wonderful new experiences make life better all the time. i am safe, it is only change.

... no, i do not think so. i am not to that point, yet.

alan watts once said, "the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."

well then. i guess i am finally going to learn to dance

dedicated to: mallory