lasts

thoughts of grad school weren't scary for me.
they were exciting!
i've been wanting to live outside of utah {semi-permanently} for a while, now.

that was, until tuesday night.
tuesday night things got real.
real and scary.

i realized i had less than two weeks left before my trek east.
instead of heading out on august third, like i had planned in my mind, i learned we'd be leaving the night before. .....one day. not a big deal, right?

wrong.

suddenly everything was happening too fast.
i'd been preparing for this experience for three months.
maybe denial had something to do with it...
somehow it didn't feel real until now.

on top of that, my "lasts" have commenced.

last lunch dates with old friends.
when will i see them again?
will i see them again?

"sadness is ...saying goodbye"

last night i had to say goodbye to my brother.
the very best brother a girl could ever have.
my best friend and confidante.

this morning i said goodbye to a dear and treasured friend.
someone who has helped me grow and made me a better person.

i wasn't prepared for goodbyes.
now, with only nine days left, my feelings are too jumbled and haywire to contain.

what's getting me through?
i simply have a knowledge that this is where i'm supposed to go.
my Heavenly Father is leading me, so i'll follow.

other than that, .... i got nothin'.
i mean, it's a total fluke that i even got in.... rutgers wasn't on my radar.
heck, it wasn't anywhere near!



if my sister Happy hadn't haphazardly picked rutgers as one of the grad schools i would apply to, i still wouldn't even know where new jersey is! {yeah....geography isn't my strong suit... but let's be honest, how many people really know the exact location of all the states north of maryland without looking on a map???}

i'll be at least four hours {in either direction} away from any kind of family.
but isn't that what i wanted?
to be independent and free of familial pressures?

but there's comfort in the familiar.
...and there's fear in the unknown.

don't worry, though.
i've been reminded of my {{**true**}} purpose for going out east.
this is what happened last night:

dad: now lacey, don't you go letting a guy snatch you up too quick!
mom: well.... on the other hand, it wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen...
me: ........ *curious silence* ........

{to be fair, i think my mother is just grandbaby-hungry, what with only a quarter of her offspring providing her with babes to spoil!}

i'm sure the fasting and prayers spoken by family members on my behalf, pleading for me to find a husband have already started. and yes, finding companionship would be nice. {it can get lonely as a single}
still, that's not why i'm going to grad school.
i would not knowingly go into that much debt just to find different or better guys to date.

oh goodness. the debt. **here's where i start freaking out again and say, "God, are you sure???"**

then i remember how right it felt before the fear slammed me against the wall.
i'm on a journey and i have no idea where i'm going.
but it's the joy in the journey that counts, right?
aren't we all just in the process of getting to where we're going.
....or maybe i'm just too used to the transient nature of single adulthood.

either way, i guess i'll go read elder wirthlin's "come what may and love it" talk.

i trust in my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
that's the only reason i'm making such a big change.

i think it's the "lasts" and the goodbyes that are making this so difficult.
but i liked this quote:

and of course, good ol' carrie had some wise words to say:

i'm letting go of things {and people} i love in order to get to where i'm going.

unmarried

"it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

those infamous words written by jane austen in her beloved pride and prejudice were astonishingly written 200 years ago. despite their age, the meaning of these words effortlessly translate into modern society's "universally acknowledged" beliefs...


and, if you are from a "mormon" state - particularly utah - you will be able to confirm the culturally accepted judgment that a girl of 25 years, being unmarried, must obviously be qualified as an "old maid."

{ok, maybe not an old maid. yet. but she is definitely considered old and past her prime marrying age.}

having lived in utah a good portion of my life, i have been keenly aware of this cloud of misfortune awaiting me. somehow i had a sense early on that i would not be entering any matrimonial vows before the age of condemnation {aka 25} ...

as i watched my dear friends drop off like flies, one by one...

it was sort of similar to a bittersweet funeral; i was so happy for each friend and their new life they were embarking on. i was also terribly sad that this new beginning signified the end of "single life" hang outs.

that's ok - it's good. that's how life is supposed to be.

and yet, those friends you had such wonderful bonds with - friendships you wanted to last forever - are stretched to the breaking point.

it's a......

......."don't worry, we'll see each other!"

.................."you can come over and have dinner with us!"

............................."it's not like i'm never going to see you again..."

final goodbye.

this kind of stretching mocks the very integrity of friendship's bond.
be careful! it might snap!


ok, so maybe i'm exaggerating a little.
but do you want to know an unexaggerated truth?

my friends are getting younger and younger .....and younger.
well, it's not like i was known for letting age have any relevance on my relationships.... if you know me you know that very well.

i'm from a family who has always been of the belief that age is relative.


still! when the majority of your friends used to be years older than you and slowly transition to being years younger than you, it dawns on you that you might be needing to be in a different stage of life..... but that stage just isn't coming.

i'm not going to just sit around waiting for prince charming to come find me.

i've been working on this blog post for almost a week and on saturday this lovely article started trending all over facebook ---- my single cousin, a person in my singles ward, a random person who i didn't know was single again - all these people shared the article about being an older mormon young single adult.


as i prepare to officially join the "over 25" crowd, i have thought about what being an "older single" means to me. i look at my friends who got married right out of high school or shortly thereafter and you know what?? they are some of the most amazing moms ever. they really seem to have everything figured out. if i ever get the chance to be a mom, i want to take a few pages from their books!

i honestly wasn't emotionally or spiritually ready to be a partner, until this year, in a real relationship with a man.
i say "man" because regardless of age, i now know the difference between boys and men. just as i know the difference between who i was {a girl} and who i am now {a woman}.
so.... whether he's 22 or 32, it's a toss up over which one will be the boy and which one will be the man.

i hope all the boys will just grow up!
but that's probably a little too much to ask for....



what it boils down to is this:

the people who told me i would definitely be married by the age of 25....

you lose

:)

i'm glad i have had this time to improve myself and learn who i am.
Heavenly Father has it all in His control.
He leads, i follow.


for now, that means staying unmarried.
and living life to the fullest.

virginia hugs {and} kisses

i haven't written about settling into virginia life, but it's been wonderful to experience it!
autumn out here in the east has been delightful and there really is nothing i can complain about....

ok, except for the bugs. there are truly so many more bugs and little critters out here than in utah. the humidity attracts all shapes, sizes, and species. it's not enough to make me dislike this environment, but i definitely won't ever get used to looking down after putting my dirty clothes in my closet to see a cricket.... or waking up to a stink bug crawling on my face. that is just not something I even want to be on my "norm" radar.

what to do with a cricket in your room during the night? kill it, of course.

other than those fun creatures, i lead a fairly simple existence.
and that is quite alright with me...
despite my initial response to feel guilty or ashamed.

i always feel like i need to be doing more or helping in other ways -- that i cannot be lazy.
i have to balance those feelings with fears of being annoying and an ever-constant presence in a home where a little over a month ago i was only a niece/cousin mentioned occasionally in conversation and seen maybe two or three times every ten years.

however, these are my perceptions and not how i am treated nor what is expected of me.
i couldn't have asked for a better life at this moment.
i am getting to know, love, and adore family i never knew i was missing.

on our way to the pumpkin patch, {minus} a missing uncle glen who was working

living here has been more than a blessing; i have been liberated and am being empowered.
i'm learning so much about who i am and why i do what i do.
because these wonderful people are related to me by blood, i gain a lot of insight to idiosyncrasies passed down through the generations (i.e. sorting trick-or-treat candy and other o.c.d.-like tendencies)

i get to spend time with an amazing aunt who is the most fabulous mother to her boys
and an incredible relief society president to the women in her ward.
i want to be like her ... "when i grow up." seriously, though. i love learning from her example.
i also have loved being able to go to the washington d.c. temple with her

ok, so we need to get a better pic... for now this selfie will have to do

i dreamed of going into the d.c. temple ever since i was a little child, singing with my family on Christmas eve in the temple visitor center. looking straight through the glass windows to see the majesty of the shining temple while singing songs of the baby Jesus - those are my first recollections of feeling the spirit. i waited for so long to be able to go into my favorite temple --- my temple. and it was glorious. it was wonderful sharing that experience with my wonderful aunt, as well.

i have a wonderful young single adult ward out here. it's small, but it's perfect and everyone gets along. it definitely feels different than some of the wards i had in utah. i like it. i made friends and even have a crush! haha look at me, just assimilating so easily... just kidding. i really have loved how wonderful the people are, though. and friends make everything so much better.

fire alarm decided to go off in the middle of church; we decided it was a good polaroid moment

sometimes i start to miss certain people -- my wonderful siblings and close friends who have been such wonderful examples to me, whom I love and adore. however, i know that my life is here now. whatever is going to happen, it's going to happen here.

i was led to this place and i want to be who Heavenly Father wants me to be.
i continually try to improve myself -- it's hard to be so completely human with countless weaknesses and failures. i'm just grateful for so many wonderful angels in the form of friends - past and present, near and far - that help me along my way.

i just hope i help some people along their way so i can pay it forward.

this song was shown to me by one of my favoritest people ever. now i love it.



wishing you warm hugs and kisses from beautiful virginia!
i promise to write again soon :)

inspiration

this post is mostly a thank you to the amazing people who have been in my life the last few weeks.
some crazy things happened and i felt pretty lost and confused.
but i didn’t reach out to a lot of people.
still, the Lord often works through others. inspiration.

i received more inspired out-of-the-blue texts and emails/facebook messages than i have ever witnessed in my life.

....friends who wanted me to know they were thinking of me and they loved me. old relief society presidents and counselors i had been friends with just letting me know those same things.

some messages included compliments and some told me i was in their prayers.

when i wrote my blog post referring to the difficulties that i was facing, i received huge comfort and support from two special comments from a dear cousin and a favorite friend.



an aunt my whole family knows and loves dearly but i am less familiar with felt inspired to have me come live with her while i figure my life out -- an offer full of love and sacrifice.

my point is....

when inspiration hits, do we follow it?
or do we sit and let it go?

i am so grateful for all the wonderful people who felt inspired to send uplifting words and love my way.
life is oh so difficult and we're all just trying to best we can.
i'm grateful to be on my journey with all of you; that we may help and life one another as we work to get to the ever-elusive goal of perfection. we will never have it in this life by ourselves....

but i sure am grateful for inspiration that keeps me going back to the source of perfection.
i know i can be perfect in Him.

beggars

...the scriptures say that's what we all are.

recently i've had the opportunity to experience both sides of the coin.

one night in downtown vegas while putting gas in the car

a guy pulled up on his motorcycle and poked his head around the gas pump.

he asked if i had any money to spare.

i answered i didn't have any cash and tried to brush him off, but he continued to explain that he was going to be late to his job and his girlfriend had taken his wallet. he just needed some fuel for his bike.

i honestly didn't know if his story was a bunch of bologna or if it was real, but i felt a desire to help him out.

i put my card in the machine and got it so he could start fueling up.

he didn't even put six dollars in, he felt bad and wanted to take as little as possible.

i told him not to worry.

he thanked me and was on his way.

i reflected how i had just read in mosiah 4 about how we are all beggars, everyone.

if we judge a person who comes to us begging and think "it's your own fault" then we end up being the ones in trouble --- we can't be the ones judging.

yes, i did start to judge that stranger.

but i put my selfishness aside and remembered where true joy comes from.

well, a month later, i read those verses again. but this time it was as i laid on friend's bed, realizing that i was again learning how to accept help and service in my time of need.

sometimes plans change.

sometimes the life surrounding you crumbles.

but i've experienced this enough to have grown strong and resilient.

i thought i had planned out my future for these next couple years.

turns out the Lord made other arrangements.

out of the blue on friday night i found myself with no job, no place to go, no stability, and no foreseeable future.

if you know me, and i believe you do, i'm sure you know what that means:

ah crap.

i called up a friend from church.

we weren't really that close but i knew i could get help from her.

she was exactly what i needed because i couldn't think straight and she kept me focused,

she gave me a place to stay, took my mind off the negative for a while, and helped me get perspective.

my mother called my aunt and they were greatly inspired to think of some plans for me.

i also received so much help to get the absurd amount of stuff i own packed up and moved over to someone else's place.... awaiting my dad and sister's arrival to bring it all back home.

so much love.

so much peace.

i was very aware of my beggar status.

and i was grateful for the knowledge i have of eternal things that make everything else a little less important.

i have to practice what i preach, don't i???

i have to trust.

and i do.

i trust that i have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who constantly have my back.

they don't judge me, a beggar.

they just keep loving and giving.

so whenever i have the chance, i'll keep giving too.

and i'll always keep trying to love.

making it personal

i gave a talk in my new ysa ward on sunday
the topic:
the atonement is truly individual and personal.

i was grateful for this topic because it's something that has really struck a chord with me this year.
if you're a close friend or family member {or if you read this blog as regularly as i write in it} you'll know that since march of this year i have come to know and understand the atonement on a more personal level ---
i came to realize that it's for broken people and not for perfect ones... and we all get broken at times by sin and pain and mistakes along the path of life.

i believe the talk went well and that everything i needed to say was eloquently said.
however, as it always goes, i feel this talk was more for me than anyone in the audience.
given two weeks to think about how my Savior has changed my life and lifted me out of bitterness and darkness... it helped me refocus.

my life is always so busy and rushed and crazy and full of ....life!
this helped me put the Savior back at the center of my life,
where i want Him to be,
and open myself up to spiritual insights

like this one i had yesterday:


we have a big staircase in the home shaped like an "L"


they're carpeted
there's a landing separating the different sides

baby buddha is almost 11 months
he's not walking yet, but he is crawling everywhere
he can crawl up the stairs like nobody's business
when it comes to going down the stairs, though....
well, he has always thought headfirst was a good plan.

i've been trying to teach buddha to crawl down the stairs feet-first for a week and with just a little tug on his leg to get started, he can slide down the first set of stairs like a champ --- he gets so proud of himself and claps and gets a huge grin on his face.

yesterday, as he sat on the landing, looking at the bottom set of stairs and i called his name for him to come down, i could see the confusion in his eyes.
he couldn't figure out how to turn to get his feet going first.
he kept moving and wiggling his body with a determined expression.
there was some fear there.
after a couple minutes, he went back up the stairs he had just slid down.
then he came back down to the landing.
and sat there, confused, some more.


it occurred to me that this could be very similar to how Heavenly Father might feel while watching some of us go through life........ correction, i won't lump anyone else in here with me.

He has guided me all my life, and i try to follow.
i get so proud of myself when i accomplish something difficult.
after a brief rest, He calls to me again to return to my journey but it's not as easy as the last one was -- maybe last time i received more help. this time i'm expected to know more because i've learned and grown.
i'm confused, maybe even frightened.
i don't trust that if i start to tumble and fall that i will be caught by waiting arms.

i have been known to just sit down on my journey -- quite a few times.
fear and confusion has sometimes paralyzed me.
i'm not very good at making decisions in these moments,
moments where trust in God plays a big key.

trust was a big theme in my talk because it's something i've learned so much about in this last year.
i had been betrayed by so many people that i thought Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were the same way. I couldn't trust. I didn't know how.

I have been so incredibly blessed by amazingly caring and loving people who have patiently helped me learn to trust -- in their love, and consequently in our Savior's love.

*thank you to the wonderful friends who sent their love in different ways after my last post ~ your virtual hugs, your sweet words of affirmation, your texts, and just your love and comfort in general. the world is made great by people like you*

it is so hard to trust -- so hard.
and people will still let you down.

but now that i know of a surety that the Savior will always love me, i a little bit more ok with that.
i have learned to be brave.

i've learned by lessons throughout my life.
i've learned by examples of amazing people i've been blessed to know.
and i've learned by the help of truly celestial souls who know much more than i do the love and care of the Savior.


now... i already know one of my friends doesn't particularly love this song because she's heard it too much. {ps i am not just copying you in posting it!!!}

this is one of my very favoritest singers and her song is just so great.
it makes me get giddy inside thinking about how i can be brave and do great things.
i don't have to be scared by my inadequacies - like i have been my whole life.
i can trust.
i can do hard things.
i can be brave.


"brave" by sara bareilles

how big is your brave?

mine's getting bigger :)

btw, buddha successfully slid down the steps all by himself last night when his dad was watching --- i think he needed to know his dad was there :)

what happens in vegas...

yes, i've made the move to las vegas, nevada.
i live in the city of heat named "sin city"

the sin city part doesn't really touch me much because it does a pretty good job of staying closer to the strip and well, people don't really live down there.

the heat part gets to me, though.
sometimes i want to just die ---
or find a walk in freezer and shut myself in it for an hour or so.

some new friends say it's something you never get used to.

well, ...that's just great.

as to my current main purpose for being here, let me give you a rundown:

my three little people (+ a spare) are a mix of adorable, adventurers, and mischief-makers
when they are darlings, it's not fair how cute they can be -- but it helps me keep being loving and patient when they are less than perfect.

the following are my vague attempts at descriptions for you:

***
the almost-6-year-old ... i will call him "goose" (as in "silly goose")
is an intelligent and precocious young man
still, he is a youngster
he loves to play, tease, and fight with his sister
there have been lots of crying fits as of late (not enough sleep)
and he wants to be a football player when he gets older
***
the middle child and only girl, i'll call her "loulou"
is fully in the throes of being a 2 year old
she can also be the cutest little culy-sue you ever did see
she has a difficult time being gentle and kind to her brothers
pinching and biting goose and having meltdowns are just some of her favorite pastimes.
*** i will call the baby "buddha" - he is 9 months old and a cute little chubster.
the happiest baby boy, usually....
the adventurer who thinks he's the 'big-man-on-campus'
he's found out he can get attention if he just screams bloody-murder... (that one has gotten old really fast)
but when he shows his big smile or has a big giggle, it can melt you.


so there you have it - my tiny humans or the little lovies.
they really are darling; goose and loulou and buddha.

for a couple more weeks the kids have their older stepbrother staying with them - a twelve-yr-old who alternates between sweet and helpful and imaginative to moody and contentious with a big attitude faster than you can blink.

through all my adventures and excitement -- and the learning curve i've been -- there are some more lessons i have learned in case anyone out there decides to move to vegas:

• the pavement never cools down in vegas, it only gets hotter. it can burn your feet as you walk to the trash can at 10am.
• turf is everywhere down here and if you think jumping onto the grass will give your scorching toes respite, think again. it's the turf and the black under the "grass" that can sear a layer of skin right off your feet!
• nevada has a "hands-free" law so as long as you aren't holding your phone when you're driving, you can still talk!
• don't go anywhere without gps!! i wanna know why we can't just implement the grid system utah uses into every state? i mean really, i would be able learn my way around so much faster.
• vegas doesn't sell good bread ---- you think i'm lying. i thought they were lying to me when i first heard that from others, too. but there's no grandma sycamore's or other soft stuff like that. i mean seriously, i go down the bread isles at wal-mart, smith's, and target and am amazed at the lack of choices.
• it takes forever to get anywhere... it doesn't seem like it, i guess. but when i look at the gps and realize it truly will take between 25-30 minutes to get from the grocery store to the house, i second-guess my desire to buy that delicious tub of ice cream. (good thing the air conditioner works like a champ)
• it is so hot here between the months of june and the end of august that it's not worth spending time outside if it's not before the sun comes up or after it goes down. .....it literally soaks up all of my energy and i'm left feeling useless.
• when taking kids anywhere, i start the car and air conditioning before i start loading them back in for the ride home.

i want to thank my darling cousin jen, my wonderful sister sundy, and my dear friend shayla for the sweet comments they left on my last post.

it meant so much to get your words of love and encouragement. i love you guys!!! 

hope everyone is standing up to the heat :)

until next time.

no road too long

have you ever seen a movie called "follow that bird" with big bird?

it's a cheesy film full of singing and feel-good, family-friendly morals. we watched it a lot when i was a kid... i guess you could say it was a favorite.

i had forgotten about it until thanksgiving day when my brother mentioned it.
here's the song we most often sang from the soundtrack:

ain't no road too long

(the song doesn't actually start until the 2:00 marker)




no mountain i can't climb and no road too long ---
keep on trying until you succeed!!! that's what i get out of it.


well, here are two things that i have tried recently:

1) planning and hosting my own thanksgiving!!!

my parents went out to colorado to visit my sister and brother-in-law with their baby-to-be for the holiday. this left my brother and me without plans for the big day. we decided, since we had access to a nice place (our parents' home) that we could still put on a fun party for anyone without a home to go to for thanksgiving.

besides paul, a wonderfully talented homemaker friend who lives upstairs in my apartment building helped me plan and carry out all the details. because of these two - and everyone who came and helped - the event was a brilliant success. in all, we had 9 people there to enjoy the meal. we had tons of delicious, traditional food. and we didn't feel like we missed out!!

here are some pictures:

my first time cooking a turkey -- on my own!!

the exciting part: taking out the "innards"

is it just me, or with these "legs" flying around does this look a bit like a frog??

who else thinks this looks like a pig??

i put a lot of effort into setting the table --- i wanted it to feel  "homey" and festive!

candy cornucopias: my must-have thanksgiving tradition!!

my roommate, liza, getting impatient when the 2/2:30 eating time is now turning into 3:15/3:30...

i forgot to get a picture of all the food and the turkey.... i'll add a pic of the turkey when my friend uploads it. and we had so much food that it didn't all fit on the table!

pies! pumpkin, coconut-chocolate, pumpkin-walnut, and peanut butter! 

another pumpkin on the far left

{ thanksgiving was wonderful and i am so grateful i was able to spend it with people that i love and care about... i am so grateful for amazing people everywhere. these incredible people who share their talents, abilities, and love with others are the centerpiece to society. i am grateful for my amazing roommates, my wonderful brother, my sisters, my sweet brother-in-law, and my parents. i'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. i'm grateful that i was born into a family where i was blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. i'm grateful for my testimony. i'm grateful for all that God has given me - for He provides everything for me and i am nothing without Him. i am grateful i was born on thanksgiving 25 years ago and i keep with me a sense of gratitude because of that. i love thanksgiving. i love the Lord. }



2) having a roommate do a photo shoot of me
this roommate of mine is a fabulous photographer -- i am a huge fan of her work.
soooo..... let's just say .... the pictures of me... well, she worked with what she got :)

i'm including on here both pictures that i like and pictures that i do not like just so you can see why i say this was something difficult for me to do and experience. and what's more: sharing them with you is even more difficult. however, this is the real me.... in all my awkward glory.

stiff
unsure
insecure
confused
scared
scarred (for life... :)
and all the other things my facial expressions betray as they tell my thoughts:

now really.... i feel sorry for any photographer trying to get me looking decent...

other roommates in the distance telling jokes, trying to lighten the mood and get me to loosen up

ha!!! what is this face?? i sure don't know.

after about an hour (other roommates getting pictures and other backgrounds) i started to get more comfortable. i guess i shouldn't be surprised - being surrounded by leaves.... fall is my season. it's my birthright :)

haha the entire photo shoot, the girls were trying to get me to do a certain pose.
well, it proved to be too difficult for an unbalanced girl like me.
finally we gave up and got a quick shot -- right as one of the girls yelled out, "lacey, put your leg down! you look like you're a dog peeing to mark your territory!

it was definitely an adventure!
but i'm glad i was able to have it.


i'm trying new things and moving forward in my life.
i just have to keep that attitude locked in my heart:

there ain't no mountain i can't climb!
i'm hanging on tight and determined to keep moving on toward the future ---
toward bigger and better. "if i just keep going, everything will turn out fine"

there's no road too long.

the greatest good

the greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.          -- benjamin disraeli




 
how beautiful is that??
:) it was quoted on criminal minds and i just had to look it up.

i have been incredibly blessed throughout my life with many amazing people who have both shared their "riches" with me and revealed to me some of my own. how grateful i am that there are people who take the time to teach us and help us cultivate the best in ourselves.



a friend shared this very inspirational quote on her facebook status the other day:




"being tender and open is beautiful. as a woman, i feel continually shhh’ed. too sensitive. too mushy. too wishy washy. blah blah. don’t let someone steal your tenderness. don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. all of this is for you. take it and have gratitude. give it and feel love."                               -zooey deschanel

feelings of not being enough plague me quite often.
not enough of what?

well.... what day is it? what is the weather? who is asking? what am i wearing?
there are too many answers to the question of "not enough of what?"

we can simply say "not good enough."
but i know i'm not alone.
i simply forget that sometimes.

no one is perfect..... we all have "pasts."
sometimes the past even travels into the present.
the beauty and power is not in hiding what we feel is our "dark side"......


the beauty is in being honest with ourselves and then willingly letting others see our vulnerability ---
our humanness.



"dark side" by kelly clarkson




 an incredible person introduced that song to me at the beginning of the semester.
i had never heard it before and now the lyrics come to mind when i start wondering if i could ever be good enough ----- for a good job, for a steady relationship, for whatever the future holds.

are you ever embarrassed by your tenderness? sensitivity?
do you ever feel like you're not enough?

i love how it's mentioned in ms. deschanel's quote that there is great power in allowing ourselves to be affected by things. be inspired! be strengthened! be empowered!

learn from everything around you.
whether you're at school, at work, at home with a baby, laying in bed with the flu, or having a fantastic adventure in zimbabwe, .....



remember this about yourself:

and since you no longer need to fret about being perfect, feel the joy of freedom in  being inspired and sharing with others those inspirations! you never know what those inspirations might just inspire them to do!


it might be through a facebook status, maybe a blog post :)
but it could inspire in someone life decisions they have been needing to make and couldn't on their own.

God put us on earth together so we could inspire one another!!
don't let your insecurities keep you from cultivating, blessing, and sharing with others.