September 17, 2013


...the scriptures say that's what we all are.

recently i've had the opportunity to experience both sides of the coin.

one night in downtown vegas while putting gas in the car
a guy pulled up on his motorcycle and poked his head around the gas pump.
he asked if i had any money to spare.
i answered i didn't have any cash and tried to brush him off, but he continued to explain that he was going to be late to his job and his girlfriend had taken his wallet. he just needed some fuel for his bike.

i honestly didn't know if his story was a bunch of bologna or if it was real, but i felt a desire to help him out.
i put my card in the machine and got it so he could start fueling up.
he didn't even put six dollars in, he felt bad and wanted to take as little as possible.

i told him not to worry.
he thanked me and was on his way.

i reflected how i had just read in mosiah 4 about how we are all beggars, everyone.
if we judge a person who comes to us begging and think "it's your own fault" then we end up being the ones in trouble --- we can't be the ones judging.

yes, i did start to judge that stranger.
but i put my selfishness aside and remembered where true joy comes from.

well, a month later, i read those verses again. but this time it was as i laid on friend's bed, realizing that i was again learning how to accept help and service in my time of need.

sometimes plans change.
sometimes the life surrounding you crumbles.
but i've experienced this enough to have grown strong and resilient.

i thought i had planned out my future for these next couple years.
turns out the Lord made other arrangements.

out of the blue on friday night i found myself with no job, no place to go, no stability, and no foreseeable future.
if you know me, and i believe you do, i'm sure you know what that means:

ah crap.

i called up a friend from church.
we weren't really that close but i knew i could get help from her.
she was exactly what i needed because i couldn't think straight and she kept me focused,
she gave me a place to stay, took my mind off the negative for a while, and helped me get perspective.

my mother called my aunt and they were greatly inspired to think of some plans for me.
i also received so much help to get the absurd amount of stuff i own packed up and moved over to someone else's place.... awaiting my dad and sister's arrival to bring it all back home.

so much love.
so much peace.

i was very aware of my beggar status.
and i was grateful for the knowledge i have of eternal things that make everything else a little less important.
i have to practice what i preach, don't i???

i have to trust.
and i do.

i trust that i have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who constantly have my back.
they don't judge me, a beggar.
they just keep loving and giving.

so whenever i have the chance, i'll keep giving too.
and i'll always keep trying to love.