thanksgiving ambassador

yesterday as i was organizing some stuff in the den, my eight year old cousin started to complain about my Christmas music playing from my phone. our conversation went like this:

joseph: Christmas music!? you can't play Christmas music! it's not even Christmas!
me: oh! but joseph, if we waited until Christmas to play Christmas music we wouldn't have enough time to listen to all the wonderful music!
{he didn't have a response, but he was noticeably unhappy}
me: joseph, while i'm in here cleaning and organizing i'm going to be playing this music. if you don't like it, i'm sure you can listen to something else upstairs.
{he quickly retreated to his room upstairs}
                                                      .... 2 minutes later ....
joseph: {yelling down to me from the top of the stairs} hey lacey! how about you play november music!
me: Christmas music is november music!
{joseph had nothing to say about that and i didn't hear from him again until a little later when i had turned off my music :) }

i run into this every year --- Christmas music scrooges all over the place.
"you can't play it until after halloween"
"wait! you can't play it until after thanksgiving"
"no! you can't play it until the first day of december!"

seriously????
ok, i understand the halloween thing, but why are people such sticklers about nothing being played until after thanksgiving?


i was born on thanksgiving day. furthermore, i was born at 2:44pm MST, when many people are eating their thanksgiving meals. why do i bring this up?

years ago the thought occurred to me that this fact gave me the self-imposed authority to be the thanksgiving ambassador. here are my reasons why Christmas music and Christmas in general, is allowable during the month of november:

1. thanksgiving does not come equipped with its own music
2. thanksgiving is supposed to be all about gratitude and loved ones, not just about eating a pretty bird
3. if we tap into that thanksgiving gratitude, we realize that it beautifully compliments the Christmas qualities of love, charity, and joy --- aren't these wonderful things to be felt and experienced together??
4. it is not impossible to celebrate two holidays at once
5. playing Christmas music in november allows the holiday season to feel a bit longer than it usually does, in a nice way
6. finally: the joy and excitement that comes from listening to Christmas music acts as a catalyst for kindness towards our fellowmen

so honestly, who wouldn't want to spread Christmas cheer?

isn't listening to a little josh groban or michael buble Christmas enough to soften a cold heart and make you want to invite all those scroogey people in for some chicken noodle soup?

better yet, some leftover thanksgiving goodies!

i don't know about you, but my Christmas playlist is set to go.
no scrooge is going to mess with my joy!


---thanksgiving ambassador signing off.

inspiration

this post is mostly a thank you to the amazing people who have been in my life the last few weeks.
some crazy things happened and i felt pretty lost and confused.
but i didn’t reach out to a lot of people.
still, the Lord often works through others. inspiration.

i received more inspired out-of-the-blue texts and emails/facebook messages than i have ever witnessed in my life.

....friends who wanted me to know they were thinking of me and they loved me. old relief society presidents and counselors i had been friends with just letting me know those same things.

some messages included compliments and some told me i was in their prayers.

when i wrote my blog post referring to the difficulties that i was facing, i received huge comfort and support from two special comments from a dear cousin and a favorite friend.



an aunt my whole family knows and loves dearly but i am less familiar with felt inspired to have me come live with her while i figure my life out -- an offer full of love and sacrifice.

my point is....

when inspiration hits, do we follow it?
or do we sit and let it go?

i am so grateful for all the wonderful people who felt inspired to send uplifting words and love my way.
life is oh so difficult and we're all just trying to best we can.
i'm grateful to be on my journey with all of you; that we may help and life one another as we work to get to the ever-elusive goal of perfection. we will never have it in this life by ourselves....

but i sure am grateful for inspiration that keeps me going back to the source of perfection.
i know i can be perfect in Him.

beggars

...the scriptures say that's what we all are.

recently i've had the opportunity to experience both sides of the coin.

one night in downtown vegas while putting gas in the car

a guy pulled up on his motorcycle and poked his head around the gas pump.

he asked if i had any money to spare.

i answered i didn't have any cash and tried to brush him off, but he continued to explain that he was going to be late to his job and his girlfriend had taken his wallet. he just needed some fuel for his bike.

i honestly didn't know if his story was a bunch of bologna or if it was real, but i felt a desire to help him out.

i put my card in the machine and got it so he could start fueling up.

he didn't even put six dollars in, he felt bad and wanted to take as little as possible.

i told him not to worry.

he thanked me and was on his way.

i reflected how i had just read in mosiah 4 about how we are all beggars, everyone.

if we judge a person who comes to us begging and think "it's your own fault" then we end up being the ones in trouble --- we can't be the ones judging.

yes, i did start to judge that stranger.

but i put my selfishness aside and remembered where true joy comes from.

well, a month later, i read those verses again. but this time it was as i laid on friend's bed, realizing that i was again learning how to accept help and service in my time of need.

sometimes plans change.

sometimes the life surrounding you crumbles.

but i've experienced this enough to have grown strong and resilient.

i thought i had planned out my future for these next couple years.

turns out the Lord made other arrangements.

out of the blue on friday night i found myself with no job, no place to go, no stability, and no foreseeable future.

if you know me, and i believe you do, i'm sure you know what that means:

ah crap.

i called up a friend from church.

we weren't really that close but i knew i could get help from her.

she was exactly what i needed because i couldn't think straight and she kept me focused,

she gave me a place to stay, took my mind off the negative for a while, and helped me get perspective.

my mother called my aunt and they were greatly inspired to think of some plans for me.

i also received so much help to get the absurd amount of stuff i own packed up and moved over to someone else's place.... awaiting my dad and sister's arrival to bring it all back home.

so much love.

so much peace.

i was very aware of my beggar status.

and i was grateful for the knowledge i have of eternal things that make everything else a little less important.

i have to practice what i preach, don't i???

i have to trust.

and i do.

i trust that i have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who constantly have my back.

they don't judge me, a beggar.

they just keep loving and giving.

so whenever i have the chance, i'll keep giving too.

and i'll always keep trying to love.

updates {and} confessions

my last post was for darn sure!
the winds have been a'blowin mighty strong.

my life has been uprooted faster than i could have imagined it.
change is around every corner.

i'm not married at the age of 25 (*gasp*) and while of course that would be nice to be starting a family like all of my friends - my age, older, and younger than me - it's just not happening.
so my constant quest is to find a way to better myself while trying to make the world a little bit better, too!


well, bullet points will make for a much easier update: lately i...

*moved in with my parents because everyone got kicked out of the apartment complex i'd made my home for the last two years.
*moved out the same day as i got my tooth extracted (that was fun... ;)
*started taking two classes at the local university to improve my g.p.a.
*was living on the sofa for about 3 weeks because of the pure amount of my belongings and not enough space to put them away.
*decided to find a nanny job for a year before going to grad school
*found the best family to nanny for down in vegas - i leave in less than a month
*have been organizing/sorting/packing/storing/throwing away my copious amounts of ... stuff.
*still cannot see the floor to the "guest room" my mother is allowing me to stay in (this drives her crazy, but as long as the door is closed she tries to pretend it's not there -- hey, it's driving me nearly insane, too!!!)
*got to experience the joy of a colonoscopy & upper endoscopy
*went to visit my darling new niece and her parents
*started getting my life in order, ...well, "working order" is as best we can get right now
*decided i want to go to grad school at unlv for a master's in social work *fingers crossed*
*have progressed in leaps and bounds with my ability to accept, let go of, forgive, and shut the door on all sorts of aspects of the past.


i feel like my biggest accomplishment recently has been my ability to allow myself  the differentiation of my past self from my present self. i had been able to do that for others and i desperately wanted others to treat me as though they could see the difference, but still... i could not accept that i could be totally a different person.


i have so many, many memories. memories are what my life used to be made of.
you may not understand what i mean by that, and that's ok. it's better that you don't.
it's much darker in reality.


however, as i have worked on this problem, i have been grateful to the local Christian radio station that has played this song by sanctus real a lot. it's called "forgiven" -- it's catchy and it has felt like it's speaking directly to me.






struggling with the past was my life.
no longer.

side note here: it came as a realization to me that as long as i could not get past my own "awfulness," i could not truly accept and love myself. if i could not do that, i could not have the authentic relationships i have desired all my life. i had been seeking for a deep connection, but there was not anything that would satisfy because the emptiness of my own ... "bucket," per se .... was such an immense black hole. what i was truly longing for was an eternally satisfying relationship with deity. one that could fill the emptiness and then overflow. all along i had been going to the wrong places for peace and comfort --- or trying to get those feelings.

the joy and relief that have come from the knowledge that who i was no longer matters because i am forgiven is astonishing. i have a firm and unshakable knowledge that i am a new, different, better person. i am cradled in the arms Christ, and i become new and better each day.

the new-found person i'm becoming is just that:
new and incomplete.



i get so excited with the prospect of learning something new to become better;
implementing a strategy that will help me get in-touch with myself,
and thereby my Heavenly Father more.


a delightful, heart-warming, thought-provoking article came out a little while back based on a blogpost by an lds bishop who wanted to share with his readers his overflowing heart. for the entire article go here to his blog - the title is "confessions of a bishop." though i loved pretty much everything he touched on, there are a couple of specifics i extremely appreciated:

• i have learned that we believe it is a strength to conceal weakness. 
• i have learned that it is easy to want others to overlook our flaws as we expect perfection in them.
• i have learned that most of us bear scars from the failure, disappointment, and fear in our lives. and, we prefer to wear long sleeves.
• i have learned that we feel like a failure when we make mistakes even when we profess a belief that the purpose of this existence is to make and learn from them.
• i have learned that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can offer someone. and ourselves.
• i have learned that the strongest among us are those with the cleanest mirrors.
• i have learned that the sins of parents profoundly affect children. and are often repeated by them.
• i have learned that affection from parents profoundly affects children.
• i have learned that most communication between parents and children is what psychologists call “superficial.” Strong relationships are built on the “validating” variety.
• i have learned that children desperately desire parents who listen.
• i have learned that churches are not museums or catwalks for perfected saints but rather labs for sinners.
• i have learned that “tolerate” and “love” are two very different verbs despite what popular culture professes.
• i have learned that we want God to grant us space to make decisions but step in to stop others, nature, mortality, or illness from hurting us or those we love.
• i have learned those who have made more mistakes have a great gift. Empathy. Now to the matter of searching out someone who hungers for it.

i love these lessons. i love that he shared them.
i love that even though i "know" many of them, it's important to be reminded.
i love that the Lord knows me and knows what i need.
always.

now i'm searching for people who hunger for empathy.
people i can help to find their own riches.

life is crazy...
and it just keeps on going.

we're all in this together

i had the worst flu of my life last week.
this flu hung on for dear life.
after the first couple days, once i was able to stop throwing up and had finally had too much sleep, i allowed myself to watch netflix as i continued to lay in bed.
i had recently finished the series 24, so among the show suggestions was "touch."

upon reading the description of this new show i decided to give it a shot.

in my own words...
the story line follows a father and son; the son has been diagnosed as autistic and has not spoken a word his entire life, the father is a widower from 9/11 and has given up everything to take care of his son. now the state wants to take the son away right as the father starts to realize his son is using numbers to communicate with him. he uses these numbers to show how the past, present, and future are connected -- as the father starts to understand the communication he is able to prevent bad things from happening or help good things happen. he is able to touch lives for good.

this show is intriguing and deeply stirring on so many different levels - and i must admit.... i believe i cried in every one of the twelve episodes posted in netflix.

why? why was i so weepy???

granted, i was sick....
but as i have had a lot of time to ponder lately, here are three thoughts:

1) this show is all about how, as living things here on earth, we are inseparably connected. now do i believe it is because of the energy from numbers or  do i even understand what the smart people are talking about in shows like this?

not usually.

what i do know is that there is a God in heaven who created all things and has a plan for all the things He created. He is all-knowing and all-loving and He has connected us in ways we cannot comprehend.

the way i like to envision it is that Heavenly Father is the orchestra conductor. i'm an individual playing some seemingly insignificant part on a seemingly insignificant instrument.... let's say "3rd violin" since i don't feel like being creative today :)  i'm going along, playing my own little 3rd-violin part and it often sounds pathetic - sometimes even ugly - and i'm thinking, "really, Heavenly Father?  you wrote this for me? you want me to play this? can i just quit because this stinks and is going to make the entire piece sound wretched!" but do you know what!?! occasionally Heavenly Father widens my view to give me a divine glimpse from the conductor's stand; He takes out my earplugs and gives me a listen to what HE hears ---- multiple instruments playing together, harmonies blending perfectly, everyone performing their part.


i forget that we're all on this crazy earth together, but we are! we are all playing our own melodies and tend to tune-out everyone else's. it's a magical and heavenly - dare i say celestial - moment when God lets us consciously connect with others and reminds us we're not here by ourselves. i love the brief, precious respite; feeling God's love connecting with us as He orchestrates our lives to connect with others and seeing how we all can use our parts to benefit one another! we use our divine gifts and touch lives for good.

2) closely linked to my first thought is how there is so much good in the world, more specifically: there is so much good in people. i have a roommate who is always talking about the goodness of people .... and let me tell you, this girl herself is solid gold and filled with pure charity and kindness.

well, she has helped me to start trying to find the good in others even when i don't automatically see it at first glance. as children of God we have this innate desire to love and be loved. we have goodness within us and we desire to share it.

this is played out in the tv show i'm telling you about, i saw it tonight in "the dark knight rises" at the dollar theater, and i see it in real life when people serve others even when they have nothing to gain. we humans are special because we have love in our hearts and desire to connect and share it with each other.

p.s. my roommate is involved in this project called "one thought" and it's all about how far-reaching one small act of kindness or thought can be. you should check out the website!! learn more about it. participate.

we humans can't help but love others.
and when we don't receive the love we desire? yes, it hurts.
but we keep trying.
because
we're resilient.
sometimes it takes longer than others. but it happens.
we want to let the goodness win.



3) in this show the son freaks out if anyone touches him. this is so sad because all his dad wants is to connect with his son, and most desperately to have that physical bond. Throughout the season as this physical touch remains such a heart-wrenching barrier, i pondered how difficult that would be. ..... never being able to hug, have an arm around the shoulder, a hand to hold, or any kind of comforting touch of reassurance.

....it made me think of how much i crave physical touch - it's one of my love languages. and yet, because of life's many complex issues, i have at times tried to isolate myself and decrease my need for others and their show of affection.

it is complex because there was a time i craved a comforting touch from people who i believed "should" have given it to me and didn't. then when these people were ready to give this touch, a bitterness had grown inside me and the thought of receiving any kind of affection was too difficult to bear.

this time for me has passed, and yet the memories remain. the uncertainty of what i want versus what i crave conflicting with one another.



in the last episode of the season of "touch" the son voluntarily searches for physical touch from his father. he is not looking for anything else. he simply wants that human touch.

how simple it can be and still how powerful.


the other night, all warm in my footie pajamas, i pondered these things in my bed.
then i decided to reach out. i went to the couch and cuddled up at my roommates' feet. was she awake? barely, and i don't think she remembered it the next morning. but she didn't need to. all i knew was that as i drifted off to dreamworld i had a foot in my face - a foot of someone important to me.

and i knew i wasn't alone in the world.

k....love!

my little brother turned me onto the christian radio station back in january, and though i do occasionally switch to other stations..... the majority of what i listen to in the car is none other than klove.

my car is a clunker, a deadbeat, on its last leg, ready to die --- for so many reasons. my gold "gloria" {because it's so glorious when it actually works properly} doesn't have a cd player and the tape player has not worked in ..... what? maybe a decade {thanks to my sweet little brother who had his moments of not-so-sweetness}.


as i drive around in gloria, i listen to klove.

klove.
the radio station that often plays the same songs over and over again....

for the most part i don't mind since i actually get to learn the lyrics by heart.
{if you know me, you know i like to sing along!}

listening to music having everything to do with Christ and love, forgiveness and peace -- everyday, all day, getting stuck in your head.... it's not a terrible thing.

i've found some of my favorite songs from the playlists of klove -- including all the songs i posted in "come as you are."


this radio station helps me feel of God's love, His charity, and reminds me of His blessings.
right when i need a pick-me-up or a reminder that God knows me personally and what i'm going through, a song that speaks straight to my circumstances will play and i will smile through my tears as i sing along to the words about how life is hard but God loves and blesses me anyway.

i hear inspirational stories about the beautiful, huge hearts people have -- full of the love of Christ, ready to lift and help other people in their trials.



so here is a new song i heard on klove.
it's a song that reminds me how much i've been given.
it also motivates me to live life to the fullest and make every day count.

"good to be alive"

hold on

is this really the life i am living

‘cause i don't feel like i deserve it

every day that i wake and every breath that i take you've given

right here, right now

while the sun is shining down

(chorus)

i wanna live like there's no tomorrow

love like i'm on borrowed time

it's good to be alive

hold on

if the life that we've been given

is made beautiful in the living

and the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the giver

then right here, right now

this is the song i'm singing out

(chorus)

i wanna live like there's no tomorrow

love like i'm on borrowed time

it's good to be alive

i wanna live like there's no tomorrow

love like i'm on borrowed time

it's good to be alive

(bridge)

i won't take it for granted

i won't waste another second

all i want is to give you

a life well lived to say, "thank you”

(chorus)

i wanna live like there's no tomorrow

love like i'm on borrowed time

it's good to be alive

i wanna live like there's no tomorrow

love like i'm on borrowed time

it's good to be alive

(bridge)

i won't take it for granted

i won't waste another second

all i want is to give you

a life well lived to say, "thank you”

ready to do

with so many things going on in my life, and still being so very blessed, i've had this amazing sense of joy.

maybe you're sick of hearing me say that?

yes, yes, yes.... ask my roommates -- i still have those days that aren't too pretty either. where sad things are sad and there's no way around that. yet through it all, i have an unwavering peaceful joy deep inside that keeps me anchored.

{if you want to know how and why, click on the pictures of Jesus under the headings of "i know who i am" and "i know God's plan" to the right of the page..... don't be afraid to simply learn a little about the religion that makes me so happy and is so very much a part of me!}

having said that, i've felt quite alive and ready to do things! why is this important? well....
i haven't felt this way in so very long!!!
my desire to create things and be adventurous is back!

so what have i done with this desire?
put it to use for a darling roommate's birthday, for one!


here are some adjectives to describe my five new roommates:
amusing and active alli
calm and careful carly
happy and harmonious haley
loyal and logical liza
sassy and sophistocated stephanie


one of them had a birthday last wednesday, so to celebrate i exercised some of my homemaking skills... and then i just kept going! i "caught the bug" and remembered how fun creating can be!

item #1

{supposed to be english toffee.... but it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. i've probably made this recipe almost a dozen times and it's only ever "flopped" twice. i consider this the second.}

{it was waaaay too soft - at least for my liking. all the roommates said they loved it that way and ate it up fast to prove it! i got the recipe from my aunt susie, but i'll think about sharing it if i make them again and they're successful :) }

 item #2

{for these i needed a funfetti cake mix, but i didn't have one of those..... so i made my own. with flavored sprinkles that i used up before remembering to take a picture and seasonal sprinkles!}

{here's the batter for the "cake batter bars" - doesn't look like a whole heck of a lot but it sure puffed up like crazy in the oven!}

 

{again, i forgot to take a picture until after the roommates got to them, but they were yummy enough to be almost gone before the end of the night. i got the recipe here and then made my own changes. it's a good little recipe!}

item #3

{in order to create a covered book you need a) to know what you're doing b) thin scrapbook paper c) clear contact paper d) paper cutter and scissors e) lots of time, patience, glue sticks, and common sense}

*in case you were wondering ---- no. it took me a while to obtain items a and e. but eventually i got there!
as i obtained item e, i learned the specifics of items b and well, the whole thing. i did things wrong a lot, teaching me what not to do.

{the trick is to cut the scrap book paper even with the length (top/bottom) of the book and have excess trim on the edges (the front and back covers) to fold over}

{another trick is to slather the glue stick on both the paper and the book before applying them together - but make sure you place them in the correct spot the first time because they really will stick}

{with the contact paper, cut enough to have a good sized edge to fold over all around; however, you will cut all four corners off (triangle shape) to be able to fold the edges down neatly without any air bubbles or rippling. try to be precise, but don't be overly cautious. oh. and the book spine edge will be trimmed in the same way}

*{of course i messed up on one of my corners and cut too much contact paper off, so i decided to add a little bit of fancy decor to the front (ha!) in order to create a reason for another layer of contact paper}

{a final piece of decorative paper was placed on the inside of each cover so that the mess of mistakes was partially hidden from view}

item #4
....was a variation on this lady's craft for september's visiting teaching handout.

{though i don't have any pictures of mine, these are quite simple to make if you follow her directions and they're super-cute to give out for the v.t. message!}

from years of craft-making and lots of baking, i have finally come to accept that i will never reach any sort of level of perfection.

and that's ok. really.

it's the mistakes that give each piece of work character.
it's character that makes the work special, valuable, and fun.
each item is unique, and that makes it beautiful --- or at least a nice kind of different.



and of course, isn't that similar to the way we are as children of God?
are we not all special?

valuable? fun? unique? beautiful?

a nice kind of different?

i'm so grateful God gave me a desire to create.
i'm ecstatic this desire has returned.
i'm grateful for the insights i receive about life and people and myself while i create items full of character.

character just like me :)

thanking God for it all

as i take a moment to think about everything that has happened in the last couple of months, i truly cannot understand how i could possibly deserve all the goodness -- the love, kindness, and miracles -- that i've been shown. constantly.


let me give you just a few examples........

at the end of last month i was struggling to make ends meet financially to the point that i thought i might have to move home. bills were piling up, rent was due, fees, car registration, ...you know the drill. it all just hit at once and i wasn't prepared.

i found a note on my pillow the last day rent could be paid without a late fee:

i've asked the people who knew how much i was struggling if they knew anything about the rent check posted to my account. tears were shed in realization of blessings and in gratitude to the Lord. no one will say a word towards knowing who did it. i think i know who it is, and yet there are so many beautiful souls it could be who sacrificed so much to help me during an extremely difficult time. i thank God for wonderful people, amazing friends, and tender hearts of the good people i am blessed to live with and around.

that day was also the first day i received a seminary substitute teaching job. i have received many more since then. i desperately needed a chance to work and receive an income. i thank God for giving me the opportunity to use my talents and make money.

i have no idea how my car passed emissions and inspections, but it's just another blessing {and miracle!} from the Lord. it's.... on its way to getting registered {shhhh! i promise it will get there. soon.} and through several other miracles and blessings i can drive it and park it where i live. i thank God for the kindness of others and also for His power to keep an old beat-up ford working so i can use a car.


i have received countless blessings from the Lord. over and over again i have been reminded that He is there, that He knows and loves me, that i am not alone, and that my needs will always be taken care of.

when i make mistakes, when i lose my way or forget things, i have help and guidance from the most amazing people around me. they provide such bright, shining light and intensely warm love that there is no room for doubt that things will always work out.

i know i have angels working in my life -- ones i can see, hug, and talk to and ones who observe and protect from above.

i want to be a better person - the best person i can be - because of the miracles i have seen.

one day i hope to more than payback the people who have lifted me up when i've fallen down and carried me when i could not stand to walk.

i have been so blessed. so incredibly blessed.


i want to bless others in return, to share my blessings everyone i come in contact with.

happier than most

the leaves are starting to change their colors and fall to the earth, at times looking like little hearts falling from the sky.

there is so much sadness in the world. sadness, pain, hatred, sorrow.



i am very aware of it.
sometimes i let it get me down.
and i definitely don't often take things lightly.

yet, more than ever before, i am constantly reminded that there is soooo much good.
life is good.
God is so very good.

with the new semester i got new roommates. Heavenly Father could not have blessed me with people more kind and caring, more perfect for what i need right now. they are extremely intelligent, funny, and a breath of fresh air. all together, they are the perfect mix as we all find a way to complement each others' personalities.

i want to be able to help them in some way, as well. i want to give back in addition to "paying it forward." i want them to always know how grateful i am for their sweet acts of kindness, their humor, their academic and scriptural help, their listening ears, and their loving hearts.

it isn't just roommates i am grateful for, though.
i am blessed with the friendship of many incredible people.
people who are Christlike and charitable. who love, help, and serve others.
these people are such great examples of living joyful journeys through life.

regardless of the bumps in the road that hit, i am truly happy.

....in those moments i forget how good life is, i have one roommate in particular who is the epitome of hope and joy and love and peace and every good thing. this girl has spunk and vivacity mixed with a sincere love for others and the gospel.

when i think of this roommate, i am reminded of the quote by j.m. barrie that states:

"those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

who do you know like this? do they bring sunshine everywhere they go? can you feel it from their smile? what does it do for you? 

this roommate is all about people. she takes the time to talk to people and really get to know them,  listen to them, and finds out what is in their hearts. she devotes the time she spends with a person to making them feel heard, validated, and important. *she brings sunshine to others* and she's the happiest person i know.

it has been wonderful living with this roommate because of the reminder she is to me that life has so many blessed things to be happy about. yes, there are things to be grateful for -- Heavenly Father pours down blessings with unwavering love. there is unending potential for the future if i but choose to put in the effort. there are adventures waiting at every turn.

adventures like horseback riding back in may :)

life is so good.

looking at life in this way, things can seem so funny at times. i had to laugh hysterically in the middle of the night when a loud crash/bang/scrape noise woke me from sleep to announce the demise of the closet hanger rod -- not only had it broken, but with the weight of my clothes my side of the rod had put enough stress on it to cause the rod to bend and twist, almost to snapping point, and bring all my clothes down with its brokenness. .....it almost brought half of the closet shelf down, too.

documented proof of my involvement:

my beautiful roommate and my lazy bum showing off the full extent of the damages:

don't worry, everything worked out fine.
the maintenance men came and fixed our rod and our closet.....
......and then i almost broke it again.

so i thinned out my wardrobe with a trip to the d.i. donation center:

i think i'm safe now :)


life is life, and crazy things happen.
sometimes sad things happen and people you know and love pass away much too early in their lives like someone i know did a week ago.
however, someone else i know who could have died this summer did not die -- for which i am extremely grateful.

through it all ---- no, because of it all, i am happier than you would think me to be.
life is so good.
i am so blessed.

hope you're having a great day, too!

lessons from this summer

all summer i thought of different things i wanted to write about, but i never sat down and opened my computer to create an actual post from the ideas swirling around in my head. i guess i had spent far too much time on my laptop during student teaching and the month following (trying to complete senior projects) to even dare think about doing anything remotely similar to any of those previous activities.

truly. i believe i opened my laptop all of four times since may 4th, and i know for a fact that half of those times were mostly used to enjoy netflix on a bigger screen than my smartphone.

spring semester put me through the ringer and i had to take a break. well.... that's why you haven't heard from me. but now it's the first day of fall semester, so i'm back. here's what i've been up to:


a whole lot of nothing.



ok. i would like to believe that is not true.
though.... ask my mother, and she would say it is.

i have to admit that for the first little while i felt incredibly alone.
maybe even abandoned?
i'm not sure.
all i know is that felt at odds with God and exhausted - emotionally.

but here is a little visual of a shift in my perspective:

during this summer i have become incredibly close to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. my relationship with them that grows continually stronger and closer helps me understand myself more.

that being said, there is another thing i have learned through this shift of perspective:

with all of my free time this summer, and because i had felt quite alone, i decided to spend time visiting others. i spent time talking with girls i live near. i became invested in their lives - these beautiful people in my ward (church). i found time to read and to go for walks.

now, i am not saying that i did this all the time. i definitely had days where i watched 24 in horrifically-long marathons and stayed up late, then slept all day.

but i am saying that i found myself doing this less and finding pleasure in other things and people more.


honestly, many times i wondered why i was in this rut. why i couldn't find a job and kept receiving rejection. why i had so much time on my hands and why i was going nowhere with my life.

but i learned an important lesson:

Heavenly Father was letting me rest from the storm i had just been in; to recuperate in order to face the storm awaiting me.

i am learning more and more to trust in the Lord's sight and not my own. learning to follow His will and not mine. i desire to be a better person.

oh, believe me.... i have so many flaws and am still struggling through it all. but i know where my heart is and i know what "grace" means. i know that everything will be ok.

flawed

i myself am made entirely out of flaws;

stitched together with good intentions.

-kaylie kofford

words from a friend, so i cannot take credit for them. however, her words describe perfectly my thoughts this week.


it is not uncommon for me to say and do so many flawed things - mistakes, really - which i then obsess over, over and over and over again.

honestly, at times i question why i open my mouth and leave home at all.


soooooo...
why am i telling you this?


i have said many times on this blog how not perfect i am, yet i keep measuring myself against that perfection stick and then use it to mentally beat myself up.




well, lately i have been overly critical of a particular person. i get extremely annoyed with this person. i get irritated quite easily. it's as if i'm seeing their flaws with a magnifying glass.

then i realized:

wait, lacey!!!!

maybe i'm the one who has the biggest flaw...

i usually love everyone. even people that others would label "unlovable." what was my problem with this particular person?

why did i feel this person was "too flawed" to be loved?


exactly.
this person wasn't.
no one is.


it was my own impatience. my own frustration. my own selfishness.
taking a moment to see them as a child of God, with a heart and important feelings, helped me remember that we all deserve to be loved and cared about.


so how do i work on my flaws?
{my many, many flaws}


awareness is definitely the first step, but it's only the first step.

if i want to drive somewhere in a car with a standard transmission, after starting in first gear i have to shift gears in order to make progress. and i definitely cannot stay in neutral and simply roll wherever the terrain takes me.

since awareness is the first step, the second one is creating new skills to change out the old. the third one is getting into action.

the new skill for this particular flaw: continual reminders to myself of the worth of souls. this gave me patience. this gave me a desire to love. this gave me a desire to serve.

the desire to serve led to the third step of getting into action.


yes, as my friend said:
i myself am made entirely out of flaws; stitched together with good intentions.

but Christ is the greatest patch-work quilter of all.

surgery, pain pills, and love = perfect experience

i will begin this post with a vow to greatly improve the frequency of my posting. the last month flew by before i got used to the idea of it being there in the first place. now it is august -- the start of a new school year and therefore, a new start to my blogging.


my time has recently ceased to be my own. my dear momma had knee replacement surgery and i volunteered to be her own personal "nurse". this has been a sweet experience and i will cherish these memories we're making forever.

i couldn't tell you when the last time my momma had a true 'vacation' -- she doesn't know how to completely relax for more than a few hours. that's why surgery was the perfect time-out from life before another busy semester started.

i wish i could remember all the funny things she has said. we were sure she'd be a hoot to watch while on pain meds, and that she has been. disconnected thoughts at opportune times and innocent confusion have brought loads of laughter. the most tender of moments have been when she suddenly tears up without warning and looks so innocently childlike. one example i'll share was just yesterday when she wanted to work on our purses.

{we've started a business together "PURSE-onality Plus": making purses out of old books and game boards ---- go to http://purseonalitypursesplus.blogspot.com to view some of our collection}

mom was spurting out "to-do" lists into the air without thought of where they were going or if they were even being written down, although i was still finishing a task she had asked me to do just seconds before. my mind was already overflowing with her directions for other things when my frustration became even more visible with every sound she made. i left the room to get an item she needed and when i came back she looked at me with shiny eyes and said, "lacey, i'm sorry. i can't help it. i can't do anything. i just want to make purses and i want you to want to make purses with me." tears spilled over as she got to the end of what she was saying. that instantly warmed my heart and washed away the tension.... i love this woman more than i could ever express in words. i want to help her and i want her to be happy. i gave her a hug and kissed her on the forehead, promising we would work on purses together in her bedroom.

serving others is the best way to feel sincere love for them. Jesus Christ taught that through all His words and deeds. though i will never fully reach His degree of charity in this lifetime, my goal is to become as He is. i just have to remember: baby steps, step by little step.

later, when she was more lucid, she told me that i am much like my daddy in the way that i like to have all of my tasks organized - at least in my head - and accomplish them in a tidy manner. i guess with everything else in the world so chaotic, we all have to find some kind of stability.