November 20, 2012

we're all in this together

i had the worst flu of my life last week.
this flu hung on for dear life.
after the first couple days, once i was able to stop throwing up and had finally had too much sleep, i allowed myself to watch netflix as i continued to lay in bed.
i had recently finished the series 24, so among the show suggestions was "touch."

upon reading the description of this new show i decided to give it a shot.

in my own words...
the story line follows a father and son; the son has been diagnosed as autistic and has not spoken a word his entire life, the father is a widower from 9/11 and has given up everything to take care of his son. now the state wants to take the son away right as the father starts to realize his son is using numbers to communicate with him. he uses these numbers to show how the past, present, and future are connected -- as the father starts to understand the communication he is able to prevent bad things from happening or help good things happen. he is able to touch lives for good.

this show is intriguing and deeply stirring on so many different levels - and i must admit.... i believe i cried in every one of the twelve episodes posted in netflix.

why? why was i so weepy???

granted, i was sick....
but as i have had a lot of time to ponder lately, here are three thoughts:

1) this show is all about how, as living things here on earth, we are inseparably connected. now do i believe it is because of the energy from numbers or  do i even understand what the smart people are talking about in shows like this?
not usually.
what i do know is that there is a God in heaven who created all things and has a plan for all the things He created. He is all-knowing and all-loving and He has connected us in ways we cannot comprehend.

the way i like to envision it is that Heavenly Father is the orchestra conductor. i'm an individual playing some seemingly insignificant part on a seemingly insignificant instrument.... let's say "3rd violin" since i don't feel like being creative today :)  i'm going along, playing my own little 3rd-violin part and it often sounds pathetic - sometimes even ugly - and i'm thinking, "really, Heavenly Father?  you wrote this for me? you want me to play this? can i just quit because this stinks and is going to make the entire piece sound wretched!" but do you know what!?! occasionally Heavenly Father widens my view to give me a divine glimpse from the conductor's stand; He takes out my earplugs and gives me a listen to what HE hears ---- multiple instruments playing together, harmonies blending perfectly, everyone performing their part.

i forget that we're all on this crazy earth together, but we are! we are all playing our own melodies and tend to tune-out everyone else's. it's a magical and heavenly - dare i say celestial - moment when God lets us consciously connect with others and reminds us we're not here by ourselves. i love the brief, precious respite; feeling God's love connecting with us as He orchestrates our lives to connect with others and seeing how we all can use our parts to benefit one another! we use our divine gifts and touch lives for good.

2) closely linked to my first thought is how there is so much good in the world, more specifically: there is so much good in people. i have a roommate who is always talking about the goodness of people .... and let me tell you, this girl herself is solid gold and filled with pure charity and kindness.

well, she has helped me to start trying to find the good in others even when i don't automatically see it at first glance. as children of God we have this innate desire to love and be loved. we have goodness within us and we desire to share it.

this is played out in the tv show i'm telling you about, i saw it tonight in "the dark knight rises" at the dollar theater, and i see it in real life when people serve others even when they have nothing to gain. we humans are special because we have love in our hearts and desire to connect and share it with each other.

p.s. my roommate is involved in this project called "one thought" and it's all about how far-reaching one small act of kindness or thought can be. you should check out the website!! learn more about it. participate.

we humans can't help but love others.
and when we don't receive the love we desire? yes, it hurts.
but we keep trying.
we're resilient.
sometimes it takes longer than others. but it happens.
we want to let the goodness win.

3) in this show the son freaks out if anyone touches him. this is so sad because all his dad wants is to connect with his son, and most desperately to have that physical bond. Throughout the season as this physical touch remains such a heart-wrenching barrier, i pondered how difficult that would be. ..... never being able to hug, have an arm around the shoulder, a hand to hold, or any kind of comforting touch of reassurance. made me think of how much i crave physical touch - it's one of my love languages. and yet, because of life's many complex issues, i have at times tried to isolate myself and decrease my need for others and their show of affection.

it is complex because there was a time i craved a comforting touch from people who i believed "should" have given it to me and didn't. then when these people were ready to give this touch, a bitterness had grown inside me and the thought of receiving any kind of affection was too difficult to bear.

this time for me has passed, and yet the memories remain. the uncertainty of what i want versus what i crave conflicting with one another.

in the last episode of the season of "touch" the son voluntarily searches for physical touch from his father. he is not looking for anything else. he simply wants that human touch.

how simple it can be and still how powerful.

the other night, all warm in my footie pajamas, i pondered these things in my bed.
then i decided to reach out. i went to the couch and cuddled up at my roommates' feet. was she awake? barely, and i don't think she remembered it the next morning. but she didn't need to. all i knew was that as i drifted off to dreamworld i had a foot in my face - a foot of someone important to me.

and i knew i wasn't alone in the world.