getting it right

i've been overwhelmed be the response to my last post.
how sincerely grateful i am for the many facebook messages and other comments i received that let me know of the help, encouragement, or inspiration my words were to others.

truly

sometimes it's hard to know if what i'm writing will be received in a positive way.


one surprising message, a blast-from-the-past apology from a kind of jerky ex-boyfriend, made me start to worry that my post would be perceived as a way to provoke pity or concern.

{it was nice to receive his apology, since he acted like a bum!}



that was not how i meant it.
i wrote it to be genuine and real about life.


it doesn't really matter if some may critically judge me.
for most of my life i thought worse things about myself than anyone else possibly could.
healing my relationship with God, along with my relationship to myself, does wonders for an outlook on life. perspective is such a funny thing and paradigms can shift so drastically.

speaking of perspective....
lately i've been trying to reconcile how i see my life and my efforts in it.
i have the best of intentions. really, i do.

i guess i often get in my own way.

as i explained above, criticisms from others don't bother me so much.
it's their expectations that create anxiety.
i already have such high expectations of myself that i sometimes run away from....

i'm highly sensitive to the feelings and expectations of others
especially when they have to do with me

i may act like i don't care, but i do
pressure is difficult to handle, especially when you're in such a weird place in your life

the truth is that *surprise* i'm a very introspective person
i think everything through before i do it.
i can be impulsive, but for the most part i'm strategic and precise.

if someone asks, "...aren't you worried about...[insert problem here]?"
hmmmm let me see...
i'm sure back a couple weeks ago when i first started intensely thinking about it...
yes, i was probably completely distressed.
but by now, i've been through the whole gamut of emotions.

am i taking anything lightly?

hahahaha

no. 


trust me on this one.


usually i take things way too seriously.
i'm hard on myself.


a song i love for the days when things are getting to me is this one:
{yes, i'm a gleek....it's my guilty pleasure. the songs are just too good.}

"get it right" performed by lea michele

what have i done?

i wish i could run away from this ship going under

just trying to help

hurt everyone else

now i feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

{chorus}

what can you do when your good isn’t good enough

and all that you touch tumbles down?

'cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things

i just wanna fix it somehow

but how many times will it take?

oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

to get it right?

can i start again, with my faith shaken?

'cause i can’t go back and undo this

i just have to stay and face my mistakes

but if i get stronger and wiser i’ll get through this

{shortened chorus}

so i throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air

and accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair!

yeah, i’ll send out a wish

yeah, i’ll send up a prayer

and finally someone will see how much i care

{chorus}

i used to run away from pressure
disappointment
too much responsibility
....when it was too much, i ran.

my dad could tell you many-a-story.

but i've learned to deal with the anxiety of expectations.
usually it means mentally forcing myself not to acknowledge anyone else's expectations but my own.

on sunday i taught a lesson at church in relief society about the life and mission of Jesus Christ.

Christmas is celebrated so brightly and beautifully because our Savior came to earth as a baby, but He didn't stay that way. He grew into the Lord of Light. He performed miracles, suffered pain, walked hard paths all by Himself, and atoned for all the pain and sins of the world. when Christ was hung on the cross, He could have stayed there in pain and agony forever without dying, but He surrendered His physical body to death so that we can access the blessings He provided for us. He arose on the third day and was resurrected.

He did this all while being perfect.
because He was half mortal and half immortal.



we cannot be perfect.
it's not possible to live life without faults.
but we have access to power beyond ourselves that can lead us to eternal perfection--
if we work toward it.



when it feels like we're all alone, it's important to remember this:



mormon message: "none were with Him" by elder holland







i was chatting with my bishop and he said,
"lacey, seems like the Lord is providing you lots of opportunities to fully rely on Him."

isn't that the truth :)
but i couldn't be more grateful

i constantly feel like i am messing everything up
that i am a mess, a red hot mess....

but then i think about these images {favorites!}

by frans schwartz

by carl bloch

and i remember ~~~ i know:
my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ sustain me in all that i do and all that i am.

i want to do the Lord's will.

following my own usually gets me into even more of a mess!

when i try to follow His will, i have a better chance of getting it right.

beautiful things

as easter came and went, i pondered what it meant and how beautiful the symbols of easter are to celebrate.
i looked around and saw eggs and little chicks; decor that felt festive but still not what i know the holiday to be about and i questioned the purpose of the traditions that made no sense to the true meaning of Jesus Christ's resurrection.

i decided to study the topic and look for any mention of these ideas in scripture.

i learned that ...a hen will brood over her eggs and chicks. this means she protects, warms, nurtures, and defends them. Jesus used this analogy of a hen gathering her chicks several times (in different books of scripture) in His description of what He will do for His followers.

as i reflected on the true meaning of easter, i realized how beautiful these symbols are.
the Lord came to earth to leave a perfect example for us.
He came to live a life so He could understand us and know how to succor His people.
He yearns to protect us, to nurture and defend us. He is full of love and warmth and mercy.

in this easter analogy, i gain great comfort in knowing that the Lord as the hen seeks to gather all the chicks and eggs. sometimes i feel like a discolored egg or an ugly duckling. but that doesn't matter to Him. He still wants me.

life can be crazy.
hard.
exhausting.
discouraging.
so many other things, as well.

with everything life throws at us, we can feel like we're not enough.
but that message does not come from the Lord.

this song is wonderful.
there are many different music videos on youtube for this song, but i like this one because i emphasizes the words and lets you really focus on the song's message.

"beautiful things" by gungor




God makes beautiful things.
He makes beautiful things around us.
but most importantly, He makes us beautiful.
He makes us new.

He is all powerful.
when we rely on Him, He makes us the best we have the power to be.


and that is a beautiful thing.

in His love

i gave the lesson today in relief society. i love giving lessons or presentations or basically anything to do with public speaking. today's lesson was on a talk from april 2010's lds general conference {click on link to see copy of talk}:

quenten l. cook's "we follow Jesus Christ"

honestly, i really liked this talk and used a ton of quotes from it for the bulk of the lesson. this talk was given on easter morning and it makes me ponder how i could make every day a celebration of what easter really means. i highly suggest reading the whole thing when you find the time. but here i'll just summarize some of what i got out of the talk. **just know that what i wrote here is probably more eloquent and collected that my lesson was - oh, and you don't get the blessing of hearing all the wonderful comments that were mentioned. but you get the gist...

elder cook discusses three ordinances and doctrines of great importance that were initiated during the Savior's last two days on earth before being crucified. these three things are {click on each for more details and explanations}:

1) the sacrament
2) love
3) the holy ghost

each one of these are vital to our gospel and of necessity to our salvation.

all three are extremely important to understand and utilize, yet i believe it is love that brings about the other two. more than that, love is the starting point for everything.

greg olsen's "in His light"

it is when we understand Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's love for us that we truly yearn for the sacrament each week. it is also when we love our Savior that we desire to be clean in order to partake of the sacrament, thereby receiving blessings of strength, comfort, and of course, the holy ghost.

it is God's love for us that we have the gift of the holy ghost. the holy ghost is, essentially, God's love sent to comfort and guide in his stead.

i am grateful for these powerful ordinances and doctrines Jesus introduced to the world during His last days on earth. i stand in awe that instead of fretting about what was to come He taught and spent time with His disciples. Jesus Christ is our loving Savior and Redeemer. i know i could not do anything without His love.

greg olsen's "in remembrance of me"

on the topic of the holy ghost i shared my experience at the temple last night. there was over an hour-long wait. as i sat in a chapel inside the house of God i decided to get honest. we had a conversation that went kind of like this:

me:

Heavenly Father, if my future is going to just be more of the same... i just can't do it.

God 

{through the still small voice of the holy ghost}:

lacey, i know you can't do it ... by yourself. that's what i'm here for. you weren't meant to do it alone. 

i am grateful for the gift of the holy ghost and its comforting power. i am grateful for moments like these when i am reminded that i'm not alone.

i cannot wait to bask in His light and in His love.

love, somebunny

i don't think there is a better combination than easter on general conference sunday ~ they fit so perfectly together. excepting that this year seemed to lack a few lovely individuals, it was a beautiful way to spend the holiday. we even had a visit from the easter bunny!

{i thought he stopped coming to our house! guess i was wrong}

it was also my first day eating anything substantial since being sick, so of course i overloaded on the sweets. at least there weren't that many. dinner was a simple, yet beautiful compilation of easter/utah/mormon dishes. twice-baked potatoes, apricot jello salad {with cheddar cheese on top; yes, that's the way it is supposed to be}, ham, asparagus, and hot rolls. dessert was strawberry shortcake and/or mom's homemade chunky mint brownies - the latter being extremely rich but ultra tasty!

i hope your day was a happy one and that the sun was shining brighter for you than it was for us. even if it wasn't, i hope the your life is a little brighter knowing somebunny loves you ~ you know who i'm talking about.

oh, and if you missed any of this spring's wonderful conference click here for the new church website's conference page. exciting, right?

slumber to the party

i've been in the relief society presidency in my byu singles ward since september. for the october general conference we had the first ever relief society general conference slumber party! it was a lot of fun.

since summer is almost here and our relief society will soon be dispersing, we decided to have another one in honor of spring general conference. it was extremely enjoyable. there is nothing better than to spend time with some of the most wonderful people, just chilling out and being girls.

we definitely had more people than are shown in the pictures, we simply forgot to bring out the cameras until bedtime. it was a fabulous way to spend an evening, ... though i did end up in my bed before the night was through.

after all the fun, i've still be extremely sick. severe pressure-headache and extreme nausea sent me to the emergency room thursday night, so i've been on a clear liquid/foods diet. haha maybe it'll start me on a strong weight-loss path! :) just trying to find the positives!

well, easter is on its way, and there is absolutely no better way to celebrate than to listen to the prophet's voice. yay! for general conference!! both saturday sessions were simply marvelous. i can't wait to devour more!

happy feasting to you all!

easter feelings, easter joy

i was just asked to give the easter sunday school lesson. yes, it's saturday night and the lesson needs to be taught tomorrow. normal people would probably be dreading this task. me?

i love it!

as horrible or cocky as this may sound, i have a very difficult time going and sitting through a whole sunday school lesson if i am not the one teaching. i get distracted, antsy, bored, and a lot of other feelings. well since i'm not the usual sunday school teacher, i've been granted license to creativity and will be teaching a special easter lesson instead of the normal doctrine and covenants lesson that was scheduled.

anyway, the point of this post is to share this little gem with you all. it brings me peace, joy, comfort, and an overwhelming dose of the spirit of God.

enjoy! and happy easter!!