November 19, 2013

unmarried

"it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
those infamous words written by jane austen in her beloved pride and prejudice were astonishingly written 200 years ago. despite their age, the meaning of these words effortlessly translate into modern society's "universally acknowledged" beliefs...


and, if you are from a "mormon" state - particularly utah - you will be able to confirm the culturally accepted judgment that a girl of 25 years, being unmarried, must obviously be qualified as an "old maid."

{ok, maybe not an old maid. yet. but she is definitely considered old and past her prime marrying age.}

having lived in utah a good portion of my life, i have been keenly aware of this cloud of misfortune awaiting me. somehow i had a sense early on that i would not be entering any matrimonial vows before the age of condemnation {aka 25} ...



as i watched my dear friends drop off like flies, one by one...
it was sort of similar to a bittersweet funeral; i was so happy for each friend and their new life they were embarking on. i was also terribly sad that this new beginning signified the end of "single life" hang outs.


that's ok - it's good. that's how life is supposed to be.
and yet, those friends you had such wonderful bonds with - friendships you wanted to last forever - are stretched to the breaking point.

it's a......
......."don't worry, we'll see each other!"
.................."you can come over and have dinner with us!"
............................."it's not like i'm never going to see you again..."
final goodbye.
this kind of stretching mocks the very integrity of friendship's bond.
be careful! it might snap!


ok, so maybe i'm exaggerating a little.
but do you want to know an unexaggerated truth?

my friends are getting younger and younger .....and younger.
well, it's not like i was known for letting age have any relevance on my relationships.... if you know me you know that very well.

i'm from a family who has always been of the belief that age is relative.


still! when the majority of your friends used to be years older than you and slowly transition to being years younger than you, it dawns on you that you might be needing to be in a different stage of life..... but that stage just isn't coming.

i'm not going to just sit around waiting for prince charming to come find me.

i've been working on this blog post for almost a week and on saturday this lovely article started trending all over facebook ---- my single cousin, a person in my singles ward, a random person who i didn't know was single again - all these people shared the article about being an older mormon young single adult.


as i prepare to officially join the "over 25" crowd, i have thought about what being an "older single" means to me. i look at my friends who got married right out of high school or shortly thereafter and you know what?? they are some of the most amazing moms ever. they really seem to have everything figured out. if i ever get the chance to be a mom, i want to take a few pages from their books!

i honestly wasn't emotionally or spiritually ready to be a partner, until this year, in a real relationship with a man.
i say "man" because regardless of age, i now know the difference between boys and men. just as i know the difference between who i was {a girl} and who i am now {a woman}.
so.... whether he's 22 or 32, it's a toss up over which one will be the boy and which one will be the man.

i hope all the boys will just grow up!
but that's probably a little too much to ask for....



what it boils down to is this:

the people who told me i would definitely be married by the age of 25....
you lose
:)

i'm glad i have had this time to improve myself and learn who i am.
Heavenly Father has it all in His control.
He leads, i follow.


for now, that means staying unmarried.
and living life to the fullest.

3 comments:

Crystal Noel Perry said...

I just love your writing. And you. Definitely you.

Jeff said...

I was a proud member of the over 25 and single crowd. I was 27 on my wedding day. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so glad that Robyn and I had the time to truly find ourselves before we tried to intertwine 2 lives into one.

You'll take that next step when the time is right for you. Good luck! I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Lisa said...

So wonderful. And awesome that you've continued to grow and improve yourself. It's amazing how we can think we have it all together then life slaps us in the face and shows us how much we need to grow (at least that's how most of my growth has come). It's also amazing how all our life experiences, timing included, are catered exactly to us to help us grow the way we need to (and definitely not the way we want). I admire your perspective. Love you so much, Lace! You are wise beyond your years. ;)

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