May 8, 2014

limbo no more

in the last four months i have started several posts.....
none of them were more than a few lines....

there are several reason why i haven't posted in such a long time.
one is that each time i attempted to write, it seemed to turn into a ranting session with harsh opinions and no real objective. i guess i needed time.

i needed to figure things out.
in the last year i have grown by leaps and bounds.
still, in the last four months i have had plenty of occasion to see where i have not grown, or not grown enough.

i have felt the sting of rejection too many times to count.
i've had the desire to hide away, crying, and never come out.
i've felt the high of hope and the low of disappointment.
i've been hurt and confused and afraid.

but these are the experiences of life.
i'm glad the future is a mystery.... had i known the hard knocks would keep coming, i would not have so boldly set out on my adventures.

through this ambiguous and confusing time i have had the chance to learn more about myself.


extrovert v. introvert
for most of my life i assumed i was an extrovert.
in the last several months i have learned how introverted i really am.
i guess i could be titled an extroverted introvert.

i love people and i love being with them.
however, i am just as content spending an evening all by myself.
........yes, sometimes i even prefer it.

the last year has seen me meeting more people than i can count, moving too many times, and experiencing enough awkwardness to last me a decade, at least!

finally, though, i realized my core problem: lack of direction.
i knew what i wanted from life but was hopelessly far from where i wanted to be.
it was the problem of what my interim plans should be that stumped me.

i definitely received a lot of pressure to figure out my life.....
but i've always been one to go at my own pace :)
pushing me only works if it's the right kind of pushing. (that sounds complicated, right?)
well, Heavenly Father knows me and has a perfect hand at guiding me in the direction i should go.

i know we are the culmination of our experiences.
this has given me purpose through my pain and faith through my fears.

personally, my experiences have led me to the field of social work.
still, i felt stuck in limbo for months not knowing what the future might hold in store.

where should i go?
what should i do?
how will i pay for it?

a few weeks ago i received an acceptance letter to rutgers university in new jersey for their master of social work program.

my first thought after reading the letter was...

"yes ..... this is right."

i was finally out of limbo and light was shed on a little more of my path.
once again, i have direction.

i know my Heavenly Father and Savior love me. i know i am guided by them.
i know that these heavenly beings care about my heart and its desires.
i know the gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true.

because of the beautiful gospel of Jesus Christ, there is no spiritual limbo.
i know who i am.
i know where i'm going.
i know everything will work out.

limbo is an awful place to be stuck.
i'm grateful i'm never truly stuck.

there's always hope for a better tomorrow.