forward in faith

today, while flipping through my scriptures at church, i found the following quote on a slip of paper i had long ago stuck in a random page after a religioius lesson of some kind:

now this is the truth. we humble people, we who feel ourselves sometimes so worthless, so good for nothing, we are not so worthless as we think. there is not one of us but what God's love has been expended upon. there is not one of us that He has not cared for and caressed. there is not one of us that He has not desired to save and that He has not devised means to save. there is not one of us that He has not given His angels charge concerning. we may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are the children of God and He has actually given His angels - invisible beings of power and might - charge concerning us and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.

--george q. cannon, gospel truth, v1, pg 2 

i needed to read this today. i needed that reminder of God's love and concern for me - and all His children. i needed a reminder that angels keep watch over each  one of us.


this week has been difficult for many associated with my church - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. there has been a recent policy change directing how church leaders handle those in gay marriages, along with the children of such unions.

there are many who are hurting... many who have been affected by this change.

though i don't quite understand all the reasons for this change, i quickly had to re-evaluate the things that i do know, a lot of which are expressed in the george q. cannon quote above.

• i know, with all my heart, that God loves each and every one of His children.

• i know God's love is not conditional, and it is deeper and more complete than we can now comprehend.

• i know God loves us so much that He sends angels - both heavenly and earthly - to buoy us up and guide us through this minefield of life.

that's what i do know.
...there's plenty that i don't.

i don't know what the future has in store.
i honestly don't know if i will marry a man.
i don't know if i will be personally affected by these policy changes....
but there's a very good possibility i will.

and still, will i stop attending The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

no.

this last year, when everything in my life had crumbled and i tried to grasp for bits of stability in a life outside my religion, i sat with a friend in his baptist congregation.

the joy of the people and the thrill of the singing and praising was nice...
but all i could think as i sat there was, "this is not truth. this is only a glimmer of the truth i know. nothing compares to the truth of the gospel found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

so what's my plan?

continue on my way, moving forward in faith.
the hymn "lead, kindly light" has always been a favorite of mine.
it is not a foreign concept to me: being led step-by-step on a path where i cannot see for myself.

maybe it's all those years i spent in eating disorders anonymous (eda) learning steps one, two, and three about handing my will over to God.

i know my life is in better hands when i hand it over to my Heavenly Father.
i'm going to trust that somehow, some way, everything is going to work out.
things will be ok.

i'm trusting.
and trust is just faith in action.