if you have been - or currently are - a student teacher, you may know how the word observations brings chills down the spine. this rings true for seminary student teachers as well. today was the first of what i assume will be many observations by my supervisor/teacher/mentor. a pretty sleepless night was the prelude to this dramatic day of anxiety and nerves. yes, i know the supervisor well - and he is truly the nicest person you could ever meet. but the thought of someone watching every move i make, listening to everything i say, and taking in the reactions of all my students (even the difficult ones) is enough to make this college student want to run away.
it's already difficult for me to believe that i'm competent for this job without someone pointing out my faults that i know very well are there. in fact, i know i am not competent at all. without the Holy Ghost, i may as well be leading them into the dark without a flashlight! i hope my observer couldn't tell that quite a bit of the time, i was flying by the seat of my pants. HEAVENS! i mean really! what do they expect from a 20 year-old?
alright, with the way this post is going you may be thinking that my supervisor's feedback was heavy on the negative end of things. surprisingly, it was not. emphasis on the surprisingly. he congratulated me on my ability to discipline while still letting each student know how much i love and care for them. "the students know you love them. and they really like you too. they actually want to talk to you." of course, it didn't hurt that i took out my three 'problem' students and spoke with them about behavior issues and tried to work out some negotiations for good behavior before class even started.
truly, i love teaching these amazing intelligent 9th grade people. it's definitely a challenge - and not always in a way i assume it will be. sometimes the students will have deep, probing questions - that they should be asking - but i have no idea what the answer is, or even where to start looking to find an answer! i can just imagine my facial expression as one similar to a deer in the headlights. more often than not, other students in the class will answer the questions. good thing they're extremely bright. i smooth it over by making it look like i'm giving them the opportunity to teach each other. ha. really i'm saying a prayer of gratitude in my heart that Heavenly Father is saving my skin yet again.
am i competent enough to be teaching these spirits who are starving for the Holy Spirit in their lives? no. but with one observation down, i still have the 'go-ahead' to keep at it. i trust the Lord knows what He's doing, even if i don't.