September 28, 2008

perfection and elder uchtdorf

sunday is such a beautiful part of each week. it's the one day i can be lazy and not feel bad about it. afternoon naps are a necessity, sometimes more than one! but it's more than that. sunday is a whole day set aside for me to refocus my life and priorities. it almost feels like time stands still. i am relaxed and myself. someone once told me that young single adults are sometimes busier than moms who go to school and work (ok, so you'd need to understand the context). she said that because there are those crazies of us who pack our schedules to the highest capacity. i dream of being superman with no "kryptonite", which would allow for perfection.

well, most of my life i have been a perfectionist. a die hard perfectionist. this has plagued every aspect of my life, but specifically the spiritual realm. the last verse in matthew 5 is just one place in the scriptures where it mentions the need for God's children to be perfect, even as He is. now, anyone educated in the gospel knows that we are not expected to be perfect in this life. we are to give our 'all' = our best, and that is enough for now. but where is that fine line between making sure you're trying to your utmost ability and not trying hard enough? this is a constant debate in my mind. most times this results in a belief that i'm failing because i'm not "good enough" - i think satan must work hard to have me sustain this belief.

this is why president dieter f. uchtdorf's talk at the relief society general broadcast last night was perfect, with impeccable timing. (**to go to the main rs gen broadcast page click here or you can click here to go straight to the video clip. just install the plug-in [which is quick, easy, and painless] and go to "dieter f. uchtdorf - he's at the end of the line-up.) don't get me wrong, i truly loved the whole broadcast! these women are inspired and they love relief society and all the women of the church. i just mean to say that president uchtdorf's talk was quite pertinent and extremely prevalent to each and every member of the church.

i am not, however, able to immediately rid myself of this ridiculous need for perfection. it comes line upon line and precept upon precept. i know my Heavenly Father loves me. at times i can just see him looking down from heaven saying, "lacey, lacey, lacey .... don't you get it? it's going to be ok. stop worrying. you're doing your best, don't punish yourself in vain." it's then that i can feel his arms around me, warming my heart and soothing my troubled mind. i love my Father in Heaven. i love my Savior Jesus Christ. i am so grateful for the knowledge i have of the restored gospel on the earth today and for my testimony of things unseen. i do not know or understand a whole lot, but i do know that the Lord will take care of the rest if i will just seek to do His will to the best of my ability. i am so blessed. i'm not perfect. and yet i'm so greatly blessed.