June 28, 2010

resilient heart

i've been thinking a lot lately about the experiences that have shaped my life into what it is now. as i thought back through memories i noted that i have experienced a lot of loss in my short life here on earth.

the first half of my life was mostly spent moving around, so much so that i remember many a school bus ride home when i couldn't remember what house i was going home to. i was always the new kid, having to make friends, then having to leave them when i knew i would probably never see them ever again. oh, and a lot of time all by myself spent... thinking and analyzing, pretending and wishing.

yes, i have always been this introspective - even though i do try to ignore true feelings.

i have had many people come into my life just to quickly go back the way they came. i have to wonder, after all the loss i have felt in my life... how do i keep trying? {granted, some days i don't.} but then i pull myself back together and again put a little piece of my heart out there for any takers.

at this odd, awkward age of 22 living in an area where one is normally married with children - or at the very least, engaged - by now, i am caught in that lonely place again.

knowing that there are people who love you is different than feeling it.

everyone needs to be loved... and i am sure i'm not the only one who feels a bit lacking in the love area.


and yet, no matter how sad or lonely or hopeless, i seem to always {eventually} bounce back.

there's something to be said about stubborn resiliency... 

... especially with something as  f r a g i l e  as a heart.