little angel

"there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."

                                  ~george sand

i am going to be completely honest here. for a lot of my life i was unable to feel loved - to deeply, truly believe in my heart that others loved and cared for me. of course i knew in my head that people told me they loved me... that knowledge just did not seem to trickle down to the human organ made to feel emotions.

a metaphor

there was a barricade around my heart, and it often made me think i was defective because it was 'tough-as-nails' and was locked up so tightly, secured with chains.

then along came little angel...

she sat ever so subtly on my barricade. day after day she gently worked on those chains by letting me know she loved me, that she was not going to hurt me {like the many who had come before her}, and that opening up the barricade could bring more happiness than i thought possible. and it worked. the chains vanished, the lock was opened, and slowly the walls went down.

little angel wriggled her way through the barricade in that moment and she plopped down on my heart - a block of ice - and melted it to a cushy pillow of heart. when i realized what had happened, i put the walls back up and attempted to turn my cushy heart back into ice. but little angel's grasp was strong; i could not shake her off despite all my best efforts.

little angel was relentless -- not stopping until i finally started to learn that....

 -i am not alone in the world

-others really do care about me

-no matter how much hurt i experience, shutting others out of my heart only hurts me more

little angel helped me feel something i had not allowed myself to feel in too long: peace, joy, comfort, acceptance

who knew all those feelings were wrapped up in love?!

..........

also,

i had always believed i loved others deeply, and it's true. i do develop a sincere love for others. however, it was not until i had experienced such unselfish, angelic friendships - learning how to allow others to love me - that i understood the fullness of reciprocal love. that deepens an already deep friendship because it strengthens trust.

i am truly coming to know true happiness: loving others and allowing others to love me. thank you to all of you *angels* out there who bless my life, and the lives of so many others!

to all you angels, i love you!

and yes, i am fully aware the holiday of love was a week and a half ago but shouldn't we celebrate love everyday? can't our love for others be shown in little or big ways any day of the year,... really?