July 6, 2014

like a child

i haven't written in a while, but .....

what do you say when you don't know what to say????

i've tried many times to write a post of coherent thoughts, it just seems my mind is a ball of mush these days.
and with a month left before leaving for grad school, i seem to be improving my expertise on the art of avoidance. i'm annoyingly distracted by anything/everything and desire only activities of the mind-numbing nature.

of those mind-numbing activities, my favorite comes in the form of netflix and amazon instant video.

my sister told me about a bbc show found on amazon called "lark rise to candleford." she said the main character reminded her of me {maybe because she's a redhead?}. i've taken quite a liking to it - the simplicity of a slower-paced life in addition to relevant life lessons makes it my new favorite {it ties with the vampire diaries :)}.

i was struck by a quote said at the end of one episode:

"perhaps we're all children trying to be adults"

those words sum up a lot of my inner chaos.
i'm "so old" by cultural standards, especially because i'm unmarried and childless.
still, i feel like a child.
i feel inadequate and immature.

i feel like i'm trying my best to be an adult, yet my efforts are in vain.
maybe that's why i want to go to grad school -- avoiding the inevitable "real life."

no.... i know social work is what i want to do.

i just hope i don't feel like a child forever.
.....but do you ever feel old enough?