January 12, 2009

still not back to 100%

suppose you were skateboarding down a hill. if you were me, you would inevitably fall and at least end up with a scraped-up knee and/or hands.
would you ever knowingly pour salt onto that new flesh wound?
duh!!! the obvious answer is no!
salt on an open flesh wound is like asking for a beating.

the first feeling that comes is the pain of stinging. the raw, jagged opening into the delicate materials of the body sears in pain. the deeper part of the wound takes that searing to the next level; the pain is felt in every inch of the body - though it may only be a tiny part of your entire mass.

doesn't that sound like so much fun!? i get pangs of that feeling every now and then. i'll see something that reminds me of seminary or some of my favorite students. i had forgotten what life was like without seminary, without my students, and without a job. now i'm left to find out that there's more to life than seminary teaching.

i know that life moves on. i know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. remember?! i was a seminary teacher, teaching these same principles to others. however, just because i know certain truths of the gospel, it doesn't take away the ache from my heart. and as i've had experiences and thinking of sweet memories that keep rubbing salt in that aching wound, it's difficult to forget. i know that i will be able to get past this. i will wash out the salt, dry the wound, and put a new bandage on. for now, though, i am letting myself mourn the loss of the most wonderful experience i've ever had up to this point in my life.