January 12, 2009

we all wanna believe in love

as pathetic as i already know this is, i broke down again yesterday. i wasn't planning on it - i was even against breaking down. i didn't really feel any emotion at all. i just didn't want to be at church. i didn't sit all the way through any of my meetings. then in relief society, i'd had enough. i couldn't do it anymore. i couldn't just sit there, i wanted to go home. i found my keys, and quietly slipped out of the room. i was walking through the snow toward my car when, who should pull up!?! the bishop and his wife. apparently bishop had to maneuver his wife's car out of it's parking place because the lot was crazily full. of course the day i skip out early in church i get caught. don't we call that irony? or is it karma?

well, i was pretty red in the face and feeling like an idiot - obviously. bishop's wife asked if i'd go for a ride with her. as i wrote in an earlier post, this lady is a saint. still, all i wanted was to go home and sulk in my misery. alone. we talked for an hour ... and i wasn't the only one crying. my talk with bishop's wife was definitely different than I would have expected, but it taught me - once again - such an important lesson: we all need to be loved.

for the eleven and a half years my family has lived in the stake, i've known, admired, and loved bishop's wife. today as we talked through the things i felt were burdening my life, i learned that my feelings of sadness, inadequacy, and hopelessness aren't new to the world. ok ok, i know: "duh" ... but sometimes we forget that other people have trials as well. we get stuck on the fact that we're not perfect and other people seem like they are so very perfect. this experience opened my eyes again to see the fact that everyone has something in their lives that trouble them. everyone wants to be loved. and even if they tell themselves they don't want to be loved - they really need to be loved just the same. yes, i needed someone to show me some kindness yesterday and Heavenly Father answered that unspoken prayer in my heart. He also let me do the same for someone else. that's what life is really all about. loving each other despite the faults we undoubtedly have. . . or should i say because of the faults we have?

"we all want to believe in love. we all want to believe in something bigger than just us." -- hannah montana, bigger than us.