brutal {and} bodily

if any of you have wondered why there has been a lack of posts in the recent week, the answer is simple. i've been too tired and busy with medical *stuff*. to explain the 'what' and 'why' i'll give some background first.

just over a year and four months ago i posted this little goal.

i would like to say that, though challenging, i achieved my goal and am now much more aware of the strong will power i possess.

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however, i did not achieve that goal and belief in my will power is dwindling by the minute. i even posted here, in october about my class assignment ~ doing a whole research study on myself and sleep. yet nothing has proved to be the key to better, more consistent sleep.

the thing is, ... it hasn't been so "cut and dry" lately. i have been involved in a fight against my body for a few years now, and only recently am i starting to accept the facts. this fight is a brutal one: my knowledge of a body's normal range of capabilities versus my body's deliberate, obstinate refusal to follow-through with those 'normal' tasks. the result = pain.

image found here

my family physician officially diagnosed me two years ago with fibromyalgia.

for more info, see here, here, or **here.

i somewhat ignored this information and continued to expect my body to act like normal ones "should". if it ever relented to my will, i was punished with over-exhaustion and the need for abnormal amounts of sleep.

well, with ever-worsening pain and a slow humbling of stubbornness i am finally seeing a specialist in salt lake city. besides my on-going appointments at their office, this last week has been full of even more various doctor appointments. i had an appointment with my family physician {for tests and drawing blood}, an appointment to get m.r.i.'s and x-rays done, and friday night I endured a sleep study {the only good thing about that was the technician was a good friend of mine, making the experience less scary} where i got very little sleep.

oh, and all this happened while trying to at least remain afloat in my three summer classes.

hopefully the sleep study will bring answers to the sleep problems i have had since i was a little girl. hopefully one of the many tests done on me will provide solutions to my bodily ailments.

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i wish i could travel back in time and reach out to touch the Savior's hem.

instead, i guess i must find ways to symbolically reach out to touch Him.

"trust in the Lord" by liz lemon swindle

...for i know He is the true source of healing and power.