May 3, 2012

rising above the clouds

back at thanksgiving and Christmas i traveled to different coasts to spend time with family.

how did i travel? by airplane, of course!
i love traveling in any way, shape, or form.

but traveling by airplane provides a special wonder.

while i was in portland, the weather had its good days and its very dreary days. i left to return home to utah on one of those dreary mornings. cloudy, dark, and threatening rain.

i watched out the window as we flew upwards, straight through extremely thick layers of dark gray clouds.
it seemed we were being held captive by a dark marshmallow world for several minutes.
and then it released us at last.
it was truly like we were in a different time and place.
the sun gleamed radiantly.
blue sky, clear as you can imagine, stretched out above us.
below us, an endless pillow of dark grey.

in that moment, i realized how clearly symbolic that was to my life. these last six months i've frequently thought back to that scene and the beauty it captured.
the contrast between the sad sight below the clouds and the happy sunlight above them.

writing about that experience, i feel like it happened only a few weeks ago.
and yet at the same time, it could have happened years ago by how january feels like forever away.

this semester of student teaching could probably be summed up as the hardest semester of my life -
and if you know me, you know full well that's saying something.
life is hard. everyone knows it. everyone is experiencing it.

life under my clouds included a daily runaround to:
wake-up on time {mornings are not my favorite. by any means.}
try to get ready without waking up my roommate.... too many times {i didn't realize how loud and clumsy i am!}
drive the whole way to the school, a nice long commute through stupid awful utah construction
navigate my way through teaching seventh graders health human reproduction
navigate my way through expectations of a seasoned teacher that seemed almost impossible to meet
try not to be too critical of my many mistakes {oh that possible?}
try to find enough energy to make it through the day without the sleep to provide it
discipline by being firm enough! {i can be a pushover....}
leave school before five.... no, let's say seven-thirty?
hope to not completely crash asleep on my bed fully clothed when i get home
attempt to be social in some way or another

i was often consciously aware of the four months lacking sunshine.
i truly went through periods of darkness and gloom spanning weeks.

i wanted to rise above the clouds. i wanted to see the light.
i wanted to feel it on my skin and soak in the happiness that sun could bring.

well, with my inability to keep up with any kind of schedule except go to school, come home and crash, repeat, i had not allowed the Sonlight in to feed my tender roots that were dying by being malnourished.

i was reminded of helaman 5:12 the other day ---

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

greg olsen - abide with me

i have to continually build my foundation on Christ -- i can't simply stand there waiting around. i have to actively work on it. if i do that, i can then rest assured that the devil in all his many efforts will not be able to drag me down.

i choose Sonlight. i have had enough cloudy days for my liking.
i want to rise above them now.
bring on the light.
bring on the hope.
bring on the love.

p.s. i really do get to rise above the clouds because i'm done with everything required for graduation. done with my senior project from he** :) and i'm done with my assignments. i'm done with college.
i'm done!!!!