rising above the clouds

back at thanksgiving and Christmas i traveled to different coasts to spend time with family.

how did i travel? by airplane, of course!
i love traveling in any way, shape, or form.

but traveling by airplane provides a special wonder.



while i was in portland, the weather had its good days and its very dreary days. i left to return home to utah on one of those dreary mornings. cloudy, dark, and threatening rain.

i watched out the window as we flew upwards, straight through extremely thick layers of dark gray clouds.
it seemed we were being held captive by a dark marshmallow world for several minutes.
and then it released us at last.
it was truly like we were in a different time and place.
the sun gleamed radiantly.
blue sky, clear as you can imagine, stretched out above us.
below us, an endless pillow of dark grey.

in that moment, i realized how clearly symbolic that was to my life. these last six months i've frequently thought back to that scene and the beauty it captured.
the contrast between the sad sight below the clouds and the happy sunlight above them.

writing about that experience, i feel like it happened only a few weeks ago.
and yet at the same time, it could have happened years ago by how january feels like forever away.

this semester of student teaching could probably be summed up as the hardest semester of my life -
and if you know me, you know full well that's saying something.
life is hard. everyone knows it. everyone is experiencing it.

life under my clouds included a daily runaround to:
wake-up on time {mornings are not my favorite. by any means.}
try to get ready without waking up my roommate.... too many times {i didn't realize how loud and clumsy i am!}
drive the whole way to the school, a nice long commute through stupid awful utah construction
navigate my way through teaching seventh graders health topics....like human reproduction
navigate my way through expectations of a seasoned teacher that seemed almost impossible to meet
try not to be too critical of my many mistakes {oh wait...is that possible?}
try to find enough energy to make it through the day without the sleep to provide it
discipline by being firm enough! {i can be a pushover....}
leave school before five.... no, let's say seven-thirty?
hope to not completely crash asleep on my bed fully clothed when i get home
attempt to be social in some way or another


i was often consciously aware of the four months lacking sunshine.
i truly went through periods of darkness and gloom spanning weeks.

i wanted to rise above the clouds. i wanted to see the light.
i wanted to feel it on my skin and soak in the happiness that sun could bring.

well, with my inability to keep up with any kind of schedule except go to school, come home and crash, repeat, i had not allowed the Sonlight in to feed my tender roots that were dying by being malnourished.

i was reminded of helaman 5:12 the other day ---

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

greg olsen - abide with me

i have to continually build my foundation on Christ -- i can't simply stand there waiting around. i have to actively work on it. if i do that, i can then rest assured that the devil in all his many efforts will not be able to drag me down.

i choose Sonlight. i have had enough cloudy days for my liking.
i want to rise above them now.
bring on the light.
bring on the hope.
bring on the love.




p.s. i really do get to rise above the clouds because i'm done with everything required for graduation. done with my senior project from he** :) and i'm done with my assignments. i'm done with college.
i'm done!!!!

twenty-four

i was shopping for some halloween doodads about a month ago with my roommate when i noticed all of the turkey-themed decorations cluttering the aisles.

in one little moment -

a surreal little moment -

i remembered i would soon be twenty-four years old.

you may be thinking.... duh, that shouldn't have been a surprise.

yet it snuck up on me!

however, my sudden panic was not about what age i would be. it was about realizing what this particular age meant to me.

living in provo utah, a girl tends to adopt certain beliefs -- even if said-girl is not originally from these parts

~ i claim the east coast, thank you very much ~

 even if those certain beliefs go against everything said-girl used to believe.

the most important and prevalent of these beliefs is an adaption from jane austen {italics represent modifications}:

"it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good testimony and eighteen years of life, must be in want of a good husband and loads of children - right away." 

side note here --- pride and prejudice is actually a very interesting book to read as a social commentary of provo's current ideals of marriage and courtship.


so if you're having a hard time doing the math, eighteen was six years ago for me. that's a long time.
and what was my panic about?

well... somehow twenty-four meant something twenty-three hadn't to me. twenty-four meant "marriage" and "babies" and the world most of my other same-aged friends are living in. it meant more responsibility. it meant more.


quick! somebody help me find a rock to hide under!

you know me... when fight-or-flight kicks in, my first instinct is flight.


but now i've been twenty-four for a week. i've had time to feel it out, wear it in, and see that it's not as scary as i thought it would be.

i was in portland with sundy, tyler, and my darling little brother paul for my birthday celebration. i couldn't ask for anything more. i had everything i could want. my wonderful family, incredible friends, and the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior.

things are "up in the air" right now with a lot of aspects in my life...., but i know everything will work itself out because i'm an adult and i'm in-charge of my life :)

grateful

...to be in portland.

...to be with family.

...to be with my sister and brother-in-law. i love them so dearly.

...that i can be with them through such a difficult time.
....just to be near them.
....to share in their grief and pain.

...for a break from my own stormy, self-centered focus.

...for the almost always present rain that pours outside - as a reminder that when it rains it pours.

....that this statement is true for both the trials and the blessings -- the constant pouring of blessings Heavenly Father sends down when i feel least deserving of them.



today is thanksgiving 2011. it feels like this last year has both flown by and lagged-on forever. so much has happened since my last visit to portland for the thanksgiving holiday. i know i am extremely blessed.

i truly am grateful for all that i have and all that i am.


i know that trials provoke change. change brings growth. growth is vital to becoming a better person.

i'm a different person than i was last year..... in a different place than i was, too. i'm grateful for change. i'm grateful for the ability to adapt. i'm grateful for lessons learned.

p.s. Truman, i love you.

i miss you.

twenty-three!

{my 23rd birthday ~ november 26, 2010}

if you don't count the day i was born . . .

{and i don't}

. . . thursday marked exactly twenty-three thanksgivings celebrated in my life, to date. friday was the twenty-third anniversary of my birth on that snowy thanksgiving afternoon in colorado.

at times i have questioned God's reasons for sending me to earth, to this specific place, at this specific time... wondering if there had been a mistake and i had "slipped under the radar". in my heart i know the truth, and i am so glad that i was born on turkey day into the very unique and amazing and crazy family that is mine; i wouldn't want a different one.

twenty-three things i am extremely thankful for:

1. Heavenly Father and His plan
2. my Savior, Jesus Christ
3. the gospel of Jesus Christ, restored in its fullness by joseph smith
4. daddy ~ always there, always strong, goofy smile, sweet and pure, sacrifices
5. momma ~ tender heart, creative soul, good ideas, sacrifices
6. happiness ~ big sister, big soul, big heart, big future
7. sundy ~ big sister to admire, love, be comforted by, learn from, follow, and oftentimes imitate
8. tyler ~ brother-in-law who is patient, kind, loves, doesn't judge, gives good advice, accepts me as i am
9. paul ~ little brother, so sweet and tender, helpful and inspiring, humble
10. crystal noel ~ cousin who brings joy wherever she is, spreading seeds of love and kindness with each step she takes, her infectious laugh, *let the good times roll...
11. precious ~ a dog has never meant so much or been the source of such love and joy
12. friends ~ i have some of the most delightful, helpful, wonderful, kind, fun, heart-warming friends a person could ever ask for... and they truly are all answers to prayer {lots and lots of years of prayer}
13. school, because as hard and torturous as it can be, i love learning new things and being able to teach those new things to other people
14. goals and other things that breed progression because progression makes me happy! desires of the heart, hopes and dreams, and "shooting for the stars"
15. "rainy days" {aka hard times} because they help me enjoy the good times so much more
16. butterflies: the symbol of recovery, progression, hope, growth, and a reminder that perfection is not something that i can ever hope to obtain in this life
17. music, of course, because growing up in my family it is an integral part of my life; i believe music comes from our souls, which is why it knows no bounds and speaks to all people
18. art ~ i could spend endless hours looking at art because it inspires me and fills me with so much emotion... but mainly hope
19. crafts are the essence of creating for me, and doesn't everyone desire to create? crafting includes paper folding and collages to sewing and knitting, i'm thankful for crafts
20. memories are my most treasured possession, for we are our memories; i get the greatest joy from remembering sweet shared moments with family and friends
21. holidays are the perfect opportunities to create memories, spending time with the people who matter most; i am extremely thankful for these times of year that allow for us to do that
22. modern medicine ~ as nerdy as that sounds, i am so incredibly thankful for doctors and specialists and medical procedures and medications that help me live life to the fullest
23. thank you to my sweet s & t for the most wonderful birthday i have ever had, all because of you! the most wonderful birthday ever consisted of:

breakfast in bed

{pumpkin pie for the birthday girl born on turkey day!}

shopping in multnomah village

*hit the jackpot here*

{got a variation of one of these}

went to lunch at one of the best restaurants ever! 

{i had a yummy bbq pulled pork open-faced sandwich}

went to the pittock mansion, which was all decorated for christmas! we took tons of pictures of all the fabulous rooms and decor... just for future reference.

{my most favorite time of year}

then more shopping, of course! this time on 23rd avenue at some wonderful little shops.

then, after all the wonderful things s & t had already done for me, i arrived home to a surprise! presents and a whole spread of dinner, cake, and ice cream from trader joe's {oh how i adore that store!}... i was floored!

sundy gave me this beautiful gift that i will always treasure.... it seriously means so much to me:

{peace on earth}

she says it looks just like me, and well, it has other sentimental meaning too.

isn't it precious?

i love it with all my heart.

tyler gave me one of my most favorite children's books i've been looking for, snacks, and a ticket for harry potter 7 for that night {yes... i sneaked the snacks into the theater. shhhhh! don't tell}

best birthday ever with my favorite people ever!

done and done.

here's to another year older...

and maybe hopefully a little wiser, too.

a very thankful thanksgiving

{thanksgiving ~ november 25, 2010}

turkey trot 2010 -- complete with a thanksgiving abc 'ring-around-the-family' gratitude list.

since jenny and andrew won't be going home for christmas, sundy thought she'd pull out all the stops for a christmasy thanksgiving. place settings were little presents that said "we're grateful for ______". {isn't my sister so crafty?}

in my opinion, it just isn't thanksgiving without our runt-mix cornucopias... although we decided to make brown paper bag cornucopias instead of using sugar cones this year.

of course we had to get a picture of everyone - the andersons on the left, the rudolphs on the right, and... well, me in the middle.

t is going to be the best dad.

though i didn't get a picture, i made the sweet potatoes and the pumpkin pie -- both delicious, if i may say so myself! sundy made sure to let everyone know for the whole week leading up to thanksgiving that she didn't like sweet potatoes and she was probably not going to like the ones i was making. lo and behold! she enjoyed my sweet potatoes. yep, i know...

i can't take all the credit, though. i used this recipe from allrecipes.com (but i greatly reduced the sugar and butter!) and you should definitely try it out. read through the comments, though, because they helped me decide exactly how i wanted to do things.

thanksgiving was a hit! we all watched the thanksgiving episode of the cosby show {hi-lar-ious} and after the rudolphs when home, we watched the nativity story {which i loved!} and felt the coming of christmas!

odds, ends, family, friends!

i didn't get a chance to blog about all the exciting things that happened on the actual st patrick's day so i am pronouncing the theme "miscellaneous adventures in portland" to incorporate all the odds and ends from my trip.

sundy:

my darling sister works at the hfrc {a family resource center that provides for those who may not be able to provide for themselves} and i had the privilege of going to work with her a few times to help out. though most days can be stressful, exhausting, and draining, when sundy can remember the ultimate purpose of her job she is happy and fulfilled.

st patty's day:

dressed up in festive attire, made a "luck everlasting" elixir, threw a party for the children who came to the hfrc full of food and fun [who doesn't like to color leprechauns?], plenty of working, and celebrating with a green dinner at home. everything was delightful except for the juice. yes, the irish may do it but please do not mix apple and orange juice at home. oh, and green food coloring simply worsens an already horrible situation.

sund and i know a grand total of one irish song. however, i did create a little jig to perform when singing the song with an irish accent. quite clever, if i do say so myself.

fun-filled family feature:

on one of our saturday's we had a fun night at home. tyler made homemade ice cream {nonfat frozen yogurt, to be exact -- aunt annie's recipe} which we enjoyed while playing a rousing game of phase ten. who won? surprise, surprise... it wasn't me.

why do i say "surprise, surprise"? because t, sund, and i played many different games throughout my long stay with them and how many games did i win? one.

that's right. one measley game. and it wasn't even a real win because everyone gave up before we had a chance to finish. i am quite sure i would have won anyway, though :)


well, this is it for posts on my trip to portland. that is, unless i find more pictures that can't wait to be posted for all to see. until then, feel free to hop on over to sundy's delightful blog {that i helped design, by the way} by clicking here. read her story and maybe you'll come to understand why i love this amazing individual with all of my heart.

princess goes to portland

for the entire span of my twenty-one years i have had a love for the finer things in life. whether it is my mom teasing me that i should have been an only child or my sisters gawking at the number of shoes i own, those who know me best know that i am a princess.

i am a peculiar princess, however. when it comes right down to it, i have very few problems with germs. i've been known to eat food from the floor {of course i was the one who dropped it} even if its a subway train floor. i do my part ~ wash hands, use proper hygiene, refrain from touching smelly garbage, etc. However, when it comes to germs, food poisoning, organic vs non-organic, global warming and my part in it ...... i say:

PUH - LEASE!

i obviously don't belong in portland. i have nothing against the liberal concept, just some the things these liberals come up with. who REALLY cares if i recycle every item i use? is it REALLY going to matter if i eat the organic rice vs the non-organic rice? pardon me, but who came up with this crap? organic simply means it is or once was living. can we all please agree on the fact that almost everything on earth is or once was living?

that's right, i don't believe in organic diets. take it or leave it, which one is cheaper? i am not falling for the mind tricks being played just so i will spend more money and believe that makes me a better person. i do my best to help mankind, save the children, rescue the animals, provide for the needy. i am not going to hell for using plastic grocery bags instead of paper or the new 'go-green' bags.

though i don't belong in portland as a permanent resident, i envy the treasures they have at their disposal. take Cacao, for instance. drinkable, delectable, unique, and exotic chocolate.



here are some more photos of the three of us {tyler, sundy, and me} isn't it a darling shop? too bad it was rainy and bitterly windy that day, the pictures tell the story.